My Walk To Him

2012-01-02T09:20:00.000-08:00

The new year is here, and this year is already looking amazing, God has given me and my family so much to look forward to. With God that is the amazing gift of believing in Him, understanding who He was and who He is today. It is a very difficult task in today's world to influence people towards the very nature of Christ. It seems at times so impossible to get people to release their grip of the things they hold onto and allow God to have control. I have seen how easily a person can let the accumulation of things become self satisfying. There are so many beautiful treasures out there, I find myself drawn to them as if they have some power over me. It can become very distracting and distraction leads a person to feel unsatisfied.......so that is why this "New Year" I am asking God to help me to be influenced by His presence rather than the things of this world. I want more of Him......I want to thank Him more.......praise Him more and glorify Him more in 2012! God loves to restart and refresh......He is in the business of second chances and limitless opportunities if only we allow Him to take the lead and we learn to walk in His presence desiring Him more than the gifts He gives.

2 Corinthians 9:8-15

And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things,may have an abundance for every good work.

Every favor and earthly blessing, God is able to make it come to you in abundance.......Sometimes I think we are confused, maybe deceived into thinking there is abundance in accumulating......but God says the abundance comes from giving away! We all have seasons in our life that seem to drag by without reason or purpose......but God has purpose even in the darkest places. He is always preparing us for abundance He is a giver......He is a God who is always loving us and wanting every opportunity to bless us with His joy and refresh us with His favor. I am going to be 54 this year, and sometimes I get side-tracked by my age and start feeling all washed up as a christian.......but the truth is I have so much more to give.......2012 the harvest is still plentiful.....Matthew 9:37........There is much work that still needs to be done here, and I want to be apart of His work. As believers we must re-evaluate our desire for accumulating....and start desiring to give of ourselves to those who need Hope, Love and Acceptance.

I am so blessed by the faith I see in young believers, I believe God is equipping our young for the times ahead........I see suffering that is being used to strengthen rather than disillusion.....I see strongholds that are being broken and the freedom that is being given to those whose lives looked hopeless......all credit to a powerful God. My prayer is for a awakening to the hearts of men towards the gospel......and for believers to grasp the life of perseverance....... committing ourselves to Him.....His presence.......spending time listening to His voice through the Holy Spirit........resting in the moments of His word and finding our confidence and boldness from the time we spend getting to know Him rather than the things we do. He will use each one of us in 2012 if we desire Him above all things. Christians have got to start committing to their faith and looking to Jesus as the example.....listening to His still small voice in the quiet moments of our day.......being separate in our convictions without judgement. But knowing the freedom that comes from taking a stand to be a peculiar joyful people without the wrappings of accumulation........finding satisfaction in our careers by having the gospel in our hearts........looking at each relationship with an attitude of influence towards Christ rather as an inconvenience. Using the lack of comfort as a testimony of indescribable Peace.....and the absence of pleasure as a time for depending on Him and knowing He is the Giver of all good things and the wait is for His knowing.

Deuteronomy 8:2-3

And you shall remember that the Lord your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart.......that He might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord.

2012......Remember God......put Him first above everything.......trust Him even in the times of testing and the God of the universe will lead you to the most abundant year ever.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY, I PRAY THAT GOD DRAWS YOU TO HIM IN A WAY AS NEVER BEFORE......I PRAY THAT YOU DESIRE TO KNOW HIM ABOVE ALL ELSE AND THAT YOU LOOK AT THE HARVEST......... KNOWING THAT THE LABORERS ARE FEW...........I PRAY THAT WE START SHARING WHAT WE HAVE BEEN TAUGHT........THANK YOU FATHER FOR SHOWING ME WHERE I NEED TO TRUST YOU MORE......THANK YOU FOR RESTORING MY FAITH AND COMMITMENT TO THE PURPOSE OF THE GOSPEL. YOU ARE SO FAITHFUL.....AND YOUR MERCIES ARE NEW EVERY MORNING. WHAT EVER YOU HAVE FOR ME THIS YEAR LORD......I SURRENDER IT TO YOU.......AND FOR YOUR GLORY!

AMEN

my heart today!

Traditions......!

2011-12-19T20:18:00.000-08:00

Last night Bobby said to me, " Next year promise me you will decorate the tree better".........it is true, I didn't decorate the tree this year........I just put lights on it and I didn't care about putting anything else on it. My excuse was that there was too many other things going on this year that made the tree seem unimportant. Our family has had many changes in our traditions this year and I guess I sorta went into limbo mode, I wanted to focus only on Jesus. I think change is good, and traditions are no exception.....they can change and and be better than the old ones. Even God new that the old traditions of the Law were good but His plan for a new and better tradition was needed for His people. He loved us so much that He wanted to give us more of Him. It has been my character to welcome change......but the rest of my family find it hard to make changes. It was the same way for the Jews in the old testament they were so use to the old covenant they were having a hard time believing there was a coming Messiah.The Jewish faith had to go through 24 different ranks to reach God........the New tradition, Jesus.....we just lift our voice to God any time any place and we are in His presence.

Hebrews 10:19

Therefore, brethren having boldness to enter the Holiest by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way which He consecrated for us, through the veil, that is His flesh.

Each one of my children have experienced big changes in their life this last year. Starting with Calvin being born to Emily and David in January .......then Nick started his new job......Meagan, Nicks wife, started attending church and her life has been transformed by the saving grace of our Lord Jesus Christ .....Amazing!........Chad went to Teen Challenge and came home after a month.......yes, only a month but how we are so thankful for that short time. He has since found a job and has started making steps toward a better life.....his journey is one step at a time..... his steps are small and slow......yet we are focused on improvement not perfection......Sooooo Thankful! My job....Well, it is not only a place where I provide for my family, but I have come to appreciate every opportunity God gives me to share my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. My oldest son Blake and his wife Amber had their first child.......Ellie......so proud of them......I love watching him change diapers and wrap her up like a burrito. Then Emily my only daughter graduated from college.........praying the benediction with a beautiful prayer glorifying God with every word. All these changes are transforming, especially children they open the door to our heart and show us the goodness of God. One Child changed everything........and He was born in a manger........He grew up to become a man.

Hebrews 10:12

This Man(Jesus) after He had offered one sacrifice for sins forever, sat down at the right hand of God, from that time waiting till His enemies are made His footstool. For by one offering He has perfected forever those who are being sanctified.

I am so excited for all the changes that are taking place in my family, even God knew change was needed and He gave Hope for a more perfect plan....He wanted to improve the traditions........So this year if your traditions don't look the same or if Christmas just doesn't feel the same......instead of wearying for the old......like the Israelites did, look with excitement for the New.......I have the privilege of being in the presence of the King.......I can enter the Holiest of Holies.....I can commune with God personally and intimately because of One change....JESUS!

And Yes! Next year I will decorate the tree with more than lights!

My heart today!

Thankful

2011-12-15T07:45:00.001-08:00

Owen

Ellie

Cookie with GaGa

Daddy and Ellie

Ems and Calvin
Ems gradustes from CBU the 16th of December

A Name

2011-12-12T08:08:00.000-08:00

My son and daughter-in love is at this moment are getting ready to meet their 1st daughter and our 4th grandchild.......Ellie. As many couples they had a hard time agreeing on a name, Amber would like one but Blake wouldn't. But in the end they choose Ellie.......I love her name and it will fit her perfect.....names are funny that way, once the child is born and we give them their name it fits them perfect. When Bobby and I had our children we were both involved in the naming of each one.....I heard the name Blake from a T.V. show and Chad was also from T.V......Emily she was decided on while we were at a Christmas party and a 80 year old man had just lost his wife and he was showing her picture to us, as he mentioned her name, Bobby and I looked at each other and smiled.......it was then that we decided on the name Emily for our first daughter.

A name is only meaningful and special to the parents that choose it ......But there is One name that is special to all......One name that is above all names and that name is Jesus.

Mary and Joseph didn't choose their baby's name it was chosen for them by God.......

Matthew 1:21

And you shall call His name Jesus

Matthew 1:23

Behold, the virgin shall be with child, and bear a Son, and they shall call His name Immanuel...which is translated, "God with us".

it is in His name Jesus every knee must bow, in heaven and on earth....Philippians 2:10

And there is salvation in and through no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by and in which we must be saved..........Acts 4:12

Revelation19:16

And on His garment and on His thigh He has a name inscribed,

KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS.

I love all the names that my children have choosen to name their children.......and I appreciate the effort that goes into a name........but there is only One name that is above all names and we are celebrating His birth this time of year and that name is..............

JESUS

As I anticipate the birth of my fourth grandchild I am excited that she will be born in the time of the year that is the most special. I celebrate His birth........and I rejoice in His name.......and in all things I see His glory.........today it will be Ellie!

my heart today

tamara

Isaiah 9:6 For unto us a Child is Born

2011-12-03T18:27:00.001-08:00

Unto us a Son is given; And His name will be called ...............

Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace..........!

Wonderful........ because He is God and His grace is sufficient, Counselor.......... because He gave His Spirit to live in me to Help me know Him more, Everlasting Father...........because He loves me with an Everlasting Love that fulfills my every need.

My Collection of Nativity Scenes

I wanted to share what I love the most when making my home Christmas, my Nativity scenes are such a blessing to me, I can hardly wait at Chistimas to set them around my house. This Christmas year is a special year for me, I have so much thankfulness in my heart and it is thankfulness that opens my heart to worship my King. I pray that this Christmas season I can bring God glory as I worship Him for who He is and all the good He has done in my life. I am thankful for the transformation that He promises to work out in my life and the struggles He uses.........Everyday that I am closer to eternity I pray I can make every one of them count for Him........

Grandma Dodi bought the Nativity Characters for me! I think they are from Hallmark.

A gift from a Client

I think I got this one at the Dollar Store!

Precious Moment5s
My very very first
I couldn't afford anything else....it means so much to me.

This was one of my very first from a Home Party
probably 20 years ago

I think I made this at Mothers of Teens at Valley.....I love this one!

My Friend Diane gave me this for a gift

This one is for my grandkids......it is a fisher price and is sooo cute.
It sits at my front door at their level so when they walk in they are attracted to Baby Jesus.........then GaGa....that is me.....can share all about true Christmas!

December 1..........He Loves Us

2011-12-01T07:42:00.001-08:00

Today is the first day of December, the month that God chose to send His Son Jesus Christ to be born, to us.

Isaiah 9:6
A child has been born for us.
We have been given a Son who will be our ruler, His name will be Wonderful Advisor and Mighty God........Eternal Father and Prince of Peace.........

Luke 1:31-32

and you will have a Son, His name will be Jesus, He will be great and will be called the Son of God Most High.

God's Gift to us

Gift- Something given voluntarily without payment in return as to show favor toward someone......that someone is us.....Believers.......the Gift is His Son Jesus........He did not have to.......but He loved us so much He wanted to make a more perfect way for us to enter into His presence because He loved us so.....God had a plan for a better more perfect way to be in the presence of Him.......because He loved us so..............that Love that God showed us is only given upon faith in the gospel......there is no other way to experience that kind of love but by wanting a faith that saves......wanting to go beyond just intellectual knowledge of who He is and going deep into the place where only the Holy Spirit can show His love.....our heart.....that is where the gift manifest itself......where the transformation begins......the heart is where God begins His work and teaches us to love the Giver of the perfect Gift......JESUS!

All because He loved us so.............

RoadBlocks......!

2011-11-29T07:54:00.001-08:00

Hebrews 12:1

So we must get rid of everything that slows us down......

For the last 3 years I have been slowed down, yes some has been sin that entangles me.....but some things that get in my way are not sin......just major roadblocks, I believe we never stop running into raodblocks in our Christian path. I want God to teach me how to run with the perseverance that is worthy of the Kingdom......so when I am running to fast, or a habitual sin starts raising it head at me to tempt me, I can count on my Loving Father to put a roadblock up in front of me and keep it there until I surrender it totally to Him.......only then can I continue my journey. I am so thankful for every roadblock..... My heart is in training so to speak and my mind is being tested. there are times when only God can bring a godly sorrow that can and will teach us to abide and letting God bring my spirit to a brokenness that only He can and knows how to do. It is Him that draws us to the places of brokenness and it is Him that knows the perfect chemistry of struggles that will get us to His presence and out of ourselves. I don't get all the wisdom behind His ways but I do know that He puts us in places of blindness to only open our eyes with a better and more perfect focus. I can't describe in my own words what God has done in my life, the treasures He has shared with me they are to personal and beyond words that I know how to write. The only thing I do know is that I am thankful for Here, where I am right now. but the truth is we closer I walk with Him the more I see who I really am. When we desire true worship and true salvation that transforms our lives.....we will run into roadblocks......the bible dosn't say to take a detour.....it says to get rid of them.......so I know in my strenght I can't get rid.....it is only when I tell God that I can't that He will. Then the roadblocks will open up and we can begin to move again with Jesus.....(" who leads us and makes our faith complete").

Prayer is where we come face to face in the presence of a Holy God.......it has been in a new life of prayer that I have found Him and at times my face to the ground .......He has opened my heart to who He is and the purpose He has for me.

Prayer is a Gift

Mark 15:38

Then the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom

In the Old Testament God chose certain men to intervene for the people, people could not come into God's presence. The priests were the mediators from men to God. Jesus became the necessary sacrifice which gave us the ability to actually come to God in prayer. So the very act of our prayers is a gift that reflects the price that Jesus paid for us on the cross. What a gift we have to be able to be in the presence of God through prayer, no longer do we have to go through men, but we can enter into His presence with boldness and confidence by the blood of Jesus. What a gift it is to be able to go before a Holy God and petition to Him. The Jewish faith had to go through 24 different ranks to reach God, and we just lift our voice to Him any time any place.

Hebrews 10:19

therefore, brethren having boldness to enter the Holiest by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way which He consecrated for us, through the veil, that is, His flesh.

Prayer is a gift......please!.....Never start your day without it!

My Heart Today

Tamara

2011-11-27T08:16:00.001-08:00

Yesterday Bobby and I went for a bike ride, we normally go west out towards Enos Lane, I prefer going that direction because the people we meet along the path are not as scary as the people we meet going East, lets just say I don't get as uncomfortable as I do going East towards the Oildale area. Riding East there is much more hurting and pain passing us by, the homeless are making their homes in the River beds, behind bushes, the drug addicts are sitting in the parks waiting for handouts so they can get their next high.

Today I choose to ride East, I thought about the scene that we would be facing but I wanted to go a different direction this time. I would just put up with the unhappy faces and the desperate look on the homeless, maybe I needed to be uncomfortable. It was a nice day and the sun was shinning, throughout the ride we passed all kinds of people, at times I was uncomfortable, but it got me to thinking about Jesus and how He was always going into the places where the hurting people were. What is it about wanting to be comfortable all the time, this last weekend I went to pick Ems up in Riverside and I visited her Church, I love their church small but truth wise, Pastor Jeff wasn't there, so Brian Zuniga preached and he taught that sharing the gospel is awkward and it will always be, but if we don't share people wont know, it was as if a light bulb went off in my head....I love talking about the Lord and I love sharing the gospel but I also most often do it in the comfort of other beleivers.....I can talk about the Lord and what He has done for me....but if I am not getting the message across to the harvest then what am I reaping.....nothing!

Matthew 9:37

The harvest truly is plentiful, but the laborers are few, therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest.

I am guilty of not being burdened for the harvest, I am guilty of wanting to be comfortable in the surroundings that I am familiar with.....I am guilty of not sharing the gospel with the lost......but rather those who already know the truth.....I am guilty of being a glutton for my own soul......feasting on the word and going to study after study pigging out for my own self and not sharing the delicacies that I have been blessed to understand. It is time to share....it is time for me to reach out to the lost, the hurting the scary faces of pain and sorrow......the poor who need to have hope that all they need is Jesus. I need to be uncomfortable when I go out into this world, I need to be like Jesus and go to the places He went to finding the ones that needed Him the most.

Well, I am glad I went the uncomfortable way yesterday, God has a purpose in my change of direction.....as we got miles out on the path going East......we past a lady .....hurting, crying, but we continued on our way, she didn't leave my mind.....I felt the Holy Spirit giving me directions to pray with her.....I told the Lord that if she was still there I would stop and pray with her.....to be honest I was thinking scary thoughts......but God has been preparing my heart the last few months to reach out.....He had been giving me lessons in His presence and His power......He has been changing me from the comfortable to the uncomfortable.......getting my heart ready for the places where the truth can bring salvation.....where seeds can be planted......rather than just being a waterer of the rich soil ......be also a planter in the places where the soil is dry and allowing God to make it rich with His mercy and grace.

I have clients who sit in my chair every week, I have those who love the Lord and know the gospel and live the life of light......I talk their leg off about God.....I also have clients who don't know Christ....one client who is Jewish and is still waiting for the Messiah....what an opportunity for me to share the gospel.....(very uncomfortable) or the client who believes in "spirits" just not the Holy Spirit!( very very uncomfortable) I can make every excuse why I shouldn't speak out to them.....not one excuse is validated when a life of a soul is at stake.......?

So as we came around the corner the hurting lady was still there.....I have to say my bike just went right towards her as if something beyond my self had control of it......I stopped next to her and asked her if I could pray for her.......she was somewhat shocked I could tell but the Spirit began to speak to her and we both felt His presence.....the words I prayed were not long or amazing they were short and precious...because He knew just what He wanted to say to her.........I didn't plan the words I just obeyed Him to pray.....He spoke the words through me....as I left I knew He touched her heart.....I felt His presence in that place and I knew she would be thinking of the Savior all day. That short moment.....the short prayer....that is all it took for Him to convey His messeage of Hope to her .....that was all she needed...!

It was totally worth being uncomfortable......God 's work is always going to make us uncomfortable when we have to talk to lost souls...... the amazing thing is He has a blessing for everyone that obeys and reaches out.....it is a win win situation.

My wallk to Him

Tamara

It's the Disease!

2011-11-05T14:41:00.000-07:00

This is my Mother, Louise.....she has Alzheimer's, at first I thought this was about forgetting people, then I learned more about the disease and realized it was not just about forgetting people but it was also about forgetting how to get dressed, forgetting how to read, or anything else that our brain decides to forget. When people say to me....Oh I am so sorry about your Mom, I say, .......You know we don't get to pick what disease we get, or what way our body decides to give up.....we just don't get to choose those things in our life, but we can choose how we are going to deal with it. My Sis, Brother and I choose to deal with it together, and with laughter, even Mom she laughs alot about her disease. This week I have been staying at my Sisters house while her and Rick went to Oregon to watch their Granddaughter play College Volleyball for the last time. It has been such a blessing to get this time with my Mom, but it also has opened my eyes to the emotional roller-coaster that this disease puts on everyone involved. But learning about the disease and knowing that it is the disease and not my Mom that is acting or behaving in a certain way has been the way we all choose to cope. Mom knows she says things that are totally ridiculous, yet she can't help but fill convinced that the things she says are real. I will say "No, Mom that's not real, and she will say it's that "disease" isn't it? I will say.....Yes, Mom it is. My Mom hates that she is losing her mind, but as with everything she has ever done in her life, she is doing it with dignity.

I Love You Mom

Your Baby

Tamara

Facing my Giants

2011-08-16T07:19:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had to trust God with something that you knew was impossible without Him, I mean really impossible, the most impossible thing you could think of. Well, that is exactly what my husband and I are doing right now, we know that without God we couldn't face this hard place, with God this is the hardest thing I have ever had to face. As hard as this place is, we know we are right in the middle of God's will and we are having to trust Him with the outcome. We are hoping for the best outcome, and along with that we fight the giants named Doubt, Fear, and extreme Worry.

Book

Someone once said that we humans would be more able to trust God if we just stepped back and looked at the big picture; like looking at a Monet, up close you just see dots, but at a distance you see the entire scheme. The problem is, we cannot step back and see the entire scheme, that is only the domain of deity. We must trust not on our ability to see, but we must be willing to obediently follow without our being able to see, relying on only our ability to hear and do the Word. If we could see the entire picture, all the purposes behind every tragedy and every happenstance, then we would no longer need faith, for we would have sight.

I must be willing to obediently follow without being able to see......that is the hard part for me, but the one thing that does keep my feet a dancing is that I know without a doubt we are doing God's will, and I do know with out a doubt that my husband and I are being obedient in this place. God has been issuing a army of saints to help us in our weakest moments, so many treasures surrounding the storm. Trust is a different thing than I thought it would be, I can't say Bobby and I 100% feel the trust we are to have, yet we know we have to have it. I cry more than I probably should, actually I sob, at times but in those very weak moments, God opens the His ear to my sorrows and turns each tear to praise. It is then we gain strength to stand strong.

God has been so gracious to Bobby and I through this whole ordeal, His mercies could not be more abundant. Even though the eye of the storm seems to be getting worse and the clouds are getting darker, we continue to stay here in this place, we dare not move backwards towards the place where we were before. We know we must continue moving with God, we don't wont to interrupt His work. In the beginning of all this I told God that I wanted to be a help and not a hindrance in His work. So we pray fervently and let Him work the rest. My flesh is weak, yes so weak, and there are so many giants facing me right now, God's word says:

2 Cor. 12:9

"My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness".

I'm standing on His grace right now, fighting fears that I want to hold on to, fighting doubt that speaks so loudly, fighting extreme worry of what could happen. These are of me not God, for when I am weak He is strong. Amen.

My heart today

tamara

My First "What If"

2011-08-06T07:48:00.000-07:00

Why is that I think God needs my advice when I pray! Not until recently have I began to believe how powerful my God is and how amazingly He wants to give me and my family above and beyond my hearts desire......that is why today......day 7 I am thanking God for allowing him to be there for this long and I am no longer praying for things that I know nothing about, but rather praying for the magnificent will of the One who created this world and who gave me this beautiful family. Day 7, Wow, I can only imagine the beautiful work my Lord is doing in his heart, I can only imagine the plans My Great God has in store. Wow!! that was yesterday morning of Day 7... that was my feeling in the morning but it turned out to be a very surprising emotional day. God put a big door in front of me with a sign on it displaying the words "the what if door", I was taken off- guard and I was facing one of my "what ifs". How was I going to respond? At first not to well, I stood at the door feeling sorry for him and wanting to rescue.
What happened, how did I go from feeling so encouraged to feeling so disappointed. The morning had started out so well, my prayers were for His will and I was feeling so hopeful. So did things have to turn around like this? I was hoping that the miracle would be easy with no glitches......Salvation and Healing......Boom Boom!!! I called Emily and of course she has only spoken strong truth which at the time I hated but knew I needed. I decided to go home and pray talk to Bobby and think. I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about this "what if"door that is before me, so I began to pray, and I remembered the text message my friend Diane had sent me in the morning, her words were ,

Tamara, I felt God wanted me to send you this this morning......This is what God is going to do for him! Children walk with me. Pray and I will deliver the enemy into your hands. It is for my sake and my glory that I shall bring victory! I want the world to know Me through your life and testimony. I will show the world My power to deliver, so call on Me and I shall show you great and mighty things! It is the Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom and all that pertains to life and godliness. You are forever Mine and you will rule and reign with Me.

OK Lord, why did you have Diane send me this text message if this place isn't Your will, at that moment I realized, this is God's will and I have to start believing in it. I have to start believing in the program, and believing in the place and start believing in my Big God! God had sent me hope through Diane's message knowing I would need it to persevere and be steadfast in this battle. He was setting His defense in place just for me, He knew I was going to be attacked. Earlier I had called a someone who knew much about this place and it just so happened he was home for 4 days......which was God's perfect timing for Bobby and I......God's perfect timing and more of His perfect grace for us. Prayer doesn't make the situation easier but it gives me confidence that God is in control of the situation. I remember one of my prayers when we first began this journey....

Day 3 this was my Prayer

I know Gods will far exceeds any expectation I could ever desire. Today my prayer is that God will use me as His helper....I want to be an asset to God and not a hindrance.

Gods will takes us to hard places and His will may ask us to do hard things for Him. I am so eager to do His will, yet when it gets hard I want to retreat. No! I must keep going, and see what is ahead. I must do the hard thing and walk through this 1st what if door. I am going to tell him no he has to stay.

Thank You Lord for showing me how You were setting things in place for my defense, thank You for the people You have put in my path to help me be strong.......!

Today is day 8, and God is still big.....actually He is even bigger! I will walk through this door and respond to God with faith and trust, I will allow Him to be the Big God I believe in with all my heart.

my heart today
tamara

Expecting a Miracle

2011-08-03T07:09:00.000-07:00

I believe God can do miracles, yet my mind keeps getting distracted by my unfortunate doubting, why can't I just have faith to believe and trust His will. My Spirit in me keeps prompting me to keep asking, so I wake up on my knees asking for a miracle. It is amazing the thoughts that can distract me from the faithfulness of God, rather than focusing on all the miracles that He has already accomplished in leading up to this place, I keep looking at the what ifs, God is bigger than my what-ifs.

As I prepare for Day 5, God has shown me that just being day 5, is a miracle in itself. This is about fulfilling God's purpose and not my own. I have no idea what God is aiming at, I can only speculate and I really don't think God wants me wasting my time speculating what He might do, He really doesn't ! My hope is not in the miracle itself, but rather in the One who does miracles. I have no idea what God has planned in this place. Oh, self is so consuming! Today I will continue to pray, and ask God for His will, I will not allow fear to grip me anymore, I will look to truth.............Isaiah 41:10 "fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Emily sent me this scripture last night while I was in a moment, God bless Emily for being there for her stressed out mom........Emily gets me, she understands my heart, she knows we all will get through this. I'm thankful for her and for all my family who support this place. God has given me a beautiful gift in my family, and we are all in this together.

It is ok to expect a miracle, there is nothing wrong with having big expectations in a big God, I just have to remember that the miracle is for His purpose and not for mine.

Prayer

Thank you Father for day 5, and thank You for my family and friends that are praying so fervently for day 6. I pray that I can overcome my sorrow and that I can see the goodness that You have already accomplished. Prepare me for the what-ifs but never, and help me realize that You are in control of the what-ifs also. You have already done so many miracles, forgive me for not being committed to Your perfect timing. Help me remember that my ways are not Your ways, and Your thoughts are not my thoughts.

Amen

my heart today

tamara

We Must Make the Savior Known

2011-07-27T07:55:00.000-07:00

*Through the Spoken Word(Romans 10:14,15)
How then shall the call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.

*Through Good Works(James 2:14-seventeen)
What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, Depart in peace, be warmed and filled, but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works is dead.

*Through the Example of a New Character(Matthew 5:16,20)
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven. For I say unto you, that unless your righteousness exceeds the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.

2011-07-26T08:29:00.000-07:00

I have always been a person who likes to set goals, goals to me are God given tools to motivate me into the experience I want achieve. Although, I have found that the discipline it takes to set and achieve goals can become the very thing that I put my trust in. This last year I have not wanted to set any goals, I have not wanted to do anything that required to much of me. I decided to lay aside each and everything that I might find a sense of pride in, and asked God to strengthen my walk in Christ, and let my confidence be only in who His word says He is rather than what I can achieve.

It is amazing how many times I must ask myself is this for Jesus or is this for me? I don't want to walk this walk with God and never get the part about dying to myself. I don't want to allow the pride that I see in me to become the very thing keeps me from having a deeper walk with my Savior. We as humans will never achieve the perfection that we create in our minds, looking a certain way, behaving a certain way, the outward that is found to be so compelling to compete in, is the very thing that as believers we should be confident to stand against.

There is nothing wrong with being confident, as long as our confidence come from Christ, there is nothing wrong with being disciplined as long as we trust in the Holy Spirit for our strength rather than what we can achieve on our own. There is nothing wrong in wanting to look a certain way, but there have been times I trusted in how fit I was, rather than in Jesus who gave me the gift of exercise. This year I wanted to invest in Jesus, I decided it was time to let go of all the things I used to invest in for me, all the things I spent to much time trying to improve on myself, rather than working on improving my relationship with Christ, investing in the eternal. I have a family that needs to see Jesus, I have friends that are hurting from divorce, I have clients who have never known the peace that comes from a relationship with Christ. I want my desires to be about other people first, so I have set out to change my goals from improving me to improving who I am in Christ.......letting Him be in control of my goals learning to spend more time in prayer rather than trying to take control and physically do things on my own. Thinking of others more, asking God to put on my heart His people and the hurts of my family and friends.

Ezekiel 3:16-19

Now it came to pass that at the end of seven days that the word of the Lord came to me, saying, Son of man, I have made yo a watchman for the hose of Israel; therefore hear a word from My mouth, and give them warning from Me; When I say to the wicked, Yo shall surely die, and you give him no warning, nor speak to wan the wicked fro his wicked way, to save his life, that same wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood I will require at your hand. Yet if you warn the wicked, and he does not turn fro his wickedness, nor from his wicked way, he shall die in his iniquity; but yo have delivered his soul.

I still like setting goals, but my desire is to set goals with eternal value, to pray for my family and to be available when opportunities to come for me to explain why I am who I am. To listen to my heart and be a friend to people that are hurting and to be a mom to my children that loves at all times, and allows Christ to be the One who brings conviction and not me. To pray always......with a thankful heart.

Boys, They Keep Me Praying!

2011-07-25T17:06:00.000-07:00

And you shall know that I am the Lord, I can't wait until that day when every knee shall bow and tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. But until that day there is so much work that needs to be done, and my family is not excluded from the word work. In fact I feel that God is already showing me how much He cares for me by giving me so many opportunities at ministering to my family. To persevere in the midst of foul language, and hard hearts, is an undertaking that God has equipped me to handle with patience and unconditional love. By the way those were once my darling little innocent boys that now speak with a cursing tongue. And of course I adore each of them and I realize that this world snuck into their lives when I wasn't looking and gave them a new vocabulary and distracted them from the direction I had planned for them, Yes, I did say, from the direction I had planned.

There are so many things I would do differently, things I would change about me, I would of prayed more! None of us start out with a perfect plan, and I also know that in this place of strong stubborn men, there is a God who is much stronger, and while the world may momentarily have their attention, I know that God is working behind the scenes. Faith is not only about trusting God with the christian walk that He gives each one of us as parents, but trusting Him with those we love. Struggles are the part of the paths that make the walk more interesting, and make the walker much stronger. It is never to late to start being a praying Mom, it has been in the midst of my prayers that God has become so much more to me He has taught me how to talk to Him and how to talk to my boys. Because of prayer I have learned so much about being a mother!

I have one child that has needed nothing but the covering of prayer over him, it has been God's timing and the prayers that his Dad and I have prayed over him that there is a softening in his heart. The more I pray for my boys and their walk with the Lord, the more my walk becomes sweeter and stronger..... I appreciate what God has given me rather than worry what I might not be doing. There is much work to be done in my family....As there is in every family! I look at every struggle as an opportunity for Christ to work!!!! I am not responsible for my children's salvation, at times I act like I am......oh my! I can only live my life according to the power that is in me, and depend on the presence of my Savior to give me comfort and peace. I can love without judgement, and pray that He completes His work..... Regardless of the response of my people I need to be faithful and live my life according to the way God calls me to live and find peace in Him and not in what I see or hear.

my thoughts today
tamara

2011-07-21T06:39:00.000-07:00

2 Corinthians 10:3-4

For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds.

Strongholds, they are a force that only God knows how to deal with, don't ever think that the flesh is capable of fighting the war that is being waged against each believer.

Revelation 3:20

Behold I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him, and dine with him, and he with Me.

The door is our heart, and God is always knocking, dining is a very intimate time spent with someone, and that is symbolic of the relationship God wants with us. If we open our heart to the presence of God He will help us overcome the strongholds that we face each day. We have to hear His voice and open the door!

The presence of God which is the Holy Spirit hears our cry for help, He is the strength within that gives us the ability to overcome, when we say we can't, then Christ says He can. This sounds so simple, yet so often we forget the method, and try in our own strength. Only those who hear His voice will overcome!

Dearest Father,

Thank You for showing me Your strong presence in my life, and for showing me the strong presence of Jesus Christ. His power flows through me and I am able to persevere......I hear Your knock, I know that it is Your voice that I need to hear and it is your power that I need to overcome today's strongholds.

I was created to do Your will, and only there am I contented, In Your will.

Praise and honor and glory!

Amen

Just a Word

2011-06-09T07:31:00.000-07:00

~Scripture~

The desire of our soul is for Your Name

and for the remembrance of You

With my soul I have desired You in the night,

Yes, by my spirit within me I will seek You early:

Psalms 26:8

~Prayer~

Dearest Father

Your word is my desire, Your word is where I receive faith to conquer my day. When my mind leads me into my insecure place I say Your name and I am confident to move on. Do not let me waste any of my sorrows and never let my joy be without thankfulness......Let me live by the Spirit within me and let me speak with courage and boldness about the Truth that has set me free.

~Thought~
Faithfulness .......loyalty, trustworthiness.......
And the apostle said to the Lord, "Increase our faith".....Luke 17:5
Have you ever felt you should be rewarded for your faith, that being loyal and trusting God day after day is somehow a badge of honor....., this is the digging deep part of our journey with the Lord that shows us what we really are at the core. I want to have faith without needing confirmation.......without needing to be rewarded, faith that comes from being humble before a powerful God and doing my duty as a servant. Being contented in serving without needing recognition.......knowing that humilty is the groundwork of faith.

~prayer~
Dearest Father,
Lately it seems I have been asking for more and more.....even the good things that You give I find myself still asking for more. I know that being contented spiritually is just as important as being contented with the things that we possess. Seeking with a thankful heart rather than one that expects an outcome.........my prayer is that just the word Jesus would always be enough.

Amen

Draw Near to God and He Will Draw Near to You......James 4:8

2011-05-29T09:24:00.000-07:00

~Thought~

James is writing to believers, encouraging them to take responsibility for their own spiritual progress, to stand firm against sin and experience the maturing of their faith.

~Prayer~

Dear Lord, this morning I pray that You show me where I am sinning, where I need to be more responsible in my walk spiritually.

~Scripture~

Numbers 32:11

Surely none of the men who came up from Egypt, from twenty years old and above shall see the land from which I swore to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, because they have not wholly followed Me.

~Thought~

Whatever God calls me to do whether big in my eyes or small, I want to respond with a whole heart! The obvious sins and the ones that only God knows. The hard things that take me out of my comfort zone, and the easy things that don't really excite me, let me remember that it is God that I want to please and not myself or other people. It is God who shows me my sin and it is God who calls me to repent. How I choose to respond will determine how closer my walk will become.

~Scripture~
Numbers 32: 20-23
Then Moses said to them: " if you do this thing,.........then afterward you may return and be blameless before the Lord..........But if you do not do so, then take note, you have sinned against the Lord; and be sure your sin will find you out.

~Thought~
God has given me a very sensitive conscious to the areas of my heart that I know to be sin......there are the familiar areas that I continually battle, so much so, that they have distracted me from opening my heart up to the deeper issues.......... the unknown places, the areas I have to ask God to show me ......it takes courage to ask God to show you areas of your heart where the ground is hard........but I know that in order for me to draw closer I have to let Him start digging stuff up........start excavating the hard places in my heart. I want to take that step further in my walk......I want to draw nearer to God submitting every fiber of my soul to His will.

~Scripture~
James 4:8
cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

~Thought~
James is talking to believers, and he is calling them sinners........I think like me they have their heart distracted by the world......."double-minded" I can't be lusting after the things of this world, and then expect to draw closer to God.......I must be totally sold out to God.

~Scripture~
James 4:10
Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord.

~Thought~
I must desire the lowly place, and remember myself as a sinner. Then God will lift me up.
Even making plans without asking God is sinful....yet how often I have devised in my heart the way I want to go..........don't let the obvious distract you from really drawing nearer to God.

~Scripture~
James 4:15
If the Lord wills, we shall live to do this or that.......but as it is you boast in your arrogance(or good)

1Corinthians 5:6
Your boasting is not good, do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump of dough? Clean out the old leaven, so that you may be a new lump.

~Thought~
I want to be a new lump........I want God to dig deep and get all the old leaven out.....I want to know deeper sins that get lost in the more obvious.........I want to draw nearer to God.

~Prayer~
Thank You Father, for showing me I am a sinner....who has a Savior that can bring me to my knees and give me a heart of repentance.....so I can draw nearer to You. I pray as I share my heart that You use every word to lift up the glorious work of Jesus. I give You all praise. I know You have a purpose and a plan for my life........my life is a series of surprises.....I want to let You surprise me without me messing things up, and always show me what is standing in the way of me drawing closer to You.
Amen

my heart today

tamara

"Jesus is Worth It"

2011-05-25T07:47:00.000-07:00

We both were waving our hands hard as our cars passed by each other .......my heart sunk as I realized this would be goodbye for aleast a couple of months........I had to be strong......Emily and I had the talk about when they came to visit and when it came time to leave it is always so hard......she text me "I love you Momma"......I text her back I love you too Em's....... Jesus is worth it"!

The last two weeks have been glorious, my Daughter Emily, her husband David and their son Calvin have been staying with us. What a blessing to have them in our house and to be able to watch my daughter be a Mom. She is a wonderful mom, and David is a attentive Father, they both have accepted parenthood with a greatful attitude. They both adore their son, and agree that every child is a gift from God, I can see Calvin has changed their life........and matured them in ways that only a child could. Waking up to that scrumptous little face every morning could become habit forming.......I knew it was coming soon though, the day I would have to say goodbye and let them go again. Although it is a blessing they only live a few hours away it still is hard watch them leave.

Saying good-bye is hard, it is something I have had to learn how to do with Emily ......before she was even born I prayed...........Dear Lord, if You give me a daughter I will give her back to You!..........so everyday of her life has been a process of letting her go. I get it, and I understand it, but it doesn't mean it is easy.

Scripture

Colossians 1:12,28-29

giving thanks to the Father who has qualified us to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in the light. Him we preach, warning every man and teaching every man in all wisdom, that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus. To this end I also labor, striving according to His working which works in me mightly.

Yes! Jesus is worth every letting go of ourselves, whatever is required for the purpose of His glory.

my heart today
tamara

On The Road to Medi-Cal

2011-05-23T10:02:00.000-07:00

This process of getting Medi-Cal benefits is at times a process that seems to never end, and I can see why people give up before they get to far into it. But like I said in my last blog, I want to listen.....and be aware that God is trying to help me, I have to walk the walk in order to receive the blessing, go forward in life believing that God is guiding me every step of the way.....I have been praying about health benefits....so I have to believe this is the journey that is to get me what I need even though it may not be the road I would of chosen. I have always been so healthy and I am truly thankful for that.....but when a person reaches a certain age, it is time to have at some major medical available just in case.....Right?...... Well! this is my journey towards medical assistance....... First of all just getting the appointment is a process that takes a few episodes of playing phone tag.....which I have been told is for the purpose of making sure we are serious about making an appointment. I do get an appointment on the upcoming Friday at 2:00pm. All week I prepared myself for this adventure that I knew was going to be different, but I was really trusting God with this. When I got to my appointment on Friday at Kern Medical Center in building #4 they gave me a number and told me to go to the clinic and sit and wait.....they would call my number and then I would come back to building number 4 where I would talk to a person regarding financial qualifications . My appointment is at 2:00.....Anyway, I walk out the door and choose to sit outside the clinic on a concrete bench full of other ladies.....some my age and some much much younger.....as I am sitting there, a thought runs through my mind that maybe I shouldn't of wore what I wore, I know that sounds awful but I am being real here, or that I shouldn't of carried my Calvin Klein purse, maybe I don't deserve this....Then there goes that voice again a still quiet voice saying....you are here because you need this Tamara, just smile and be yourself....! Health benefits is something we all can take for granted, not everyone can afford to pay a high premium each month for individual insurance. How I respond to what I can't have is a choice that God continually is working on in my heart, how I adjust to the inconveniences of the life that I have been given and see them as opportunities rather than disappointments. Learning to be thankful and praiseworthy despite my circumstances has been a blessing in disguise.

Things are a little different when waiting for government assistance, first of all the paper work, then the people, then the waiting....... I listened to conversations I couldn't understand because of a language barrier and then there were the conversations I did understand that I wish I couldn't.....Lol!! But over-all God kept my attitude in-check, and after a 21/2 hour wait I finally got into my appointment......I did not qualify for Medi-cal, because I owned to vehicles, but possibly MIA...... what is MIA? It is a type of major medical for people who need assistance. I have come this far I will take whatever is available....and actually I felt very thankful there was a another possibility....... the lady I was talking with was very sweet and very helpful, but of course I did not have all my paper work.....so I will be back in June.

The reason I share this journey is to allow my experiences as a wife..... to encourage other women to totally depend on God for their fulfillment in marriage. The things we take for granted when we get married may not always be there, the truth is when we get married we never know the road that will be given us and we have to know that with God all roads are possible to travel....no matter how bumpy or how many turns we experience.

my heart today
tamara

Still Small Voice......Closing the Door of Doubt

2011-05-21T18:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was at KMC trying to see if I could qualify for some type of health benefits for myself, being a hairdresser I am considered self-employed....so I have to pay for my benefits....and the monthly premium is outrageous. I had been to a Doctor where I payed cash, I just needed a little check-up on a few things nothing serious, although during our conversation she felt there were a few issues that needed the attention of a specialist.....in which I explained that I couldn't go, because I would not be able to afford it. She then said "Well maybe you would qualify for Medi-Cal, because I really feel you need to see a specialist". At first I thought, Oh I don't need to do this, but at that moment I felt a little poke at my heart.....saying, "You really need to do this Tamara......I am opening a door for you." Recently I have been asking God to make me more confident in hearing His voice......rather than brushing it away and not trusting that He really is living in me. God really does want to be involved in every aspect of our life, yet at times we only give Him certain areas to influence. I have started to listen to God with a new understanding of who He is in me......All things that are good and stand against truth I believe are from Him.....rather than questioning and doubting so much, satan loves to use our insecuritys to keep us from experiencing all God has for us....I am learning to discern the voice of the Lord...... I am learning to be confident that He is speaking to me leading me towards His purpose. God doesn't just tell me when I'm wrong or convict me of sin..... He also wants help me with all the other details of my life, I really believe I have missed out on some divine opportunities because I took so long questioning if it was His voice.....or just stupid me. There is no stupid in me anymore.....I have to quit believing in that nonsense, I realize my true identity is all tied up in the wonderful person of Jesus.

James 1:5-6

If any of you lacks wisdom let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave in the sea driven and tossed by the wind.

If we ask the Lord in faith to show us what to do, what to say, and how to live, we can count on Him to reveal to us His answer.......God leads us in ways we would least expect.....He wants us to experience the walk of faith.....I want to experience it, I want to be in "aw" of who He is.....so when I walk confidently in the Spirit I get to know Him more intimately than I cold ever imagine. The more I listen and quit doubting the more I recognize His still small voice.

1 Kings 19:12

and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.

Elijah heard many big things before God spoke to him, there were powerful winds, earthquakes and a powerful fire.......Elijah new his Fathers voice and he knew it wasn't in wind, earthquake or the fire....but it was in the less obvious........ a still small voice.

my heart today
tamara

2011-05-19T07:56:00.000-07:00

Prayer

Dearest Father,

I just come before You today, with a heart of heaviness, heaviness for friends that are hurting and family that are lost.....yet Father my joy is full from the fellowship I share today with You, I am not happy Father with the way this world has deceived and robbed loved ones away from You, but I find joy in knowing Your Son Jesus. And knowing that You my Father bring rich fruit from the sorrows, and hope in waiting for Your purpose to be exposed.

Scripture

Romans 15:12-13

And again, Isaiah says:

there shall be a root of Jesse;

And He who shall rise to reign over the Gentiles,

In Him the Gentiles shall hope.

Now may the God of hope, fill you with joy and peace in believing that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Joy is different when You are a believer, because only a believer has the power of the Holy Spirit.....,and it is only by His help that we are able to experience joy while going through a storm, and patience while we wait for His purpose to be revealed in our hearts.

Those who sow in tears

shall reap in joy.

He who continually goes forth weeping

bearing seed for sowing,

shall doubtless come again with rejoicing,

bringing his sheaves with him.

There was a time I did not think my tears would stop, my heart was in a constant state of hurt, today I realize that during those tearful times, God was holding every tear, so not one would be wasted. Our joy comes from knowing He will use every sorrow for His glory, our weeping is for a season and during that season seeds are being planted for sowing......the harvest is for His eternal kingdom. When He can trust us to wait..... with and attitude of praise and thanksgiving........it is then that He will bless us with a harvest......! He knows the places in our heart that still need surrendered.....those deep places that only He can reach in the sorrows of life.

Joel 2:25

So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten,

The things I thought were useless have been the very things that God has restored in my life, the gifts that I took for granted, have come around for a second time.......!

Joel 2:26

You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied,

And praise the name of the Lord your God,

who has dealt wondrously with you;

Every strggle has a prpose, every tear is being held to remember......the Holy Spirit is power to those who need strength to keep walking........the journey is His......joy and hope comes from praising Him right where You are.

2011-05-15T09:11:00.000-07:00

Make a joyful shout to God, all the earth!

Sing out the honor of His name;

Make His praise glorious.

Say to God,

How awesome are Your works!

through the greatness of Your power

Your enemies shall submit themselves to You.

All the earth shall worship You;

And sing praises to You;

They shall sing praises to Your name.

I can't wait until the day that the whole earth is standing before the Almighty God!!!!! Yet, I know that only today is the day of Salvation, and I want all to come to the knowledge of our King. Not all are going to know Him, not all are going to get to share in the glorious sounds of heaven worship. Yesterday I had a client whose son has decided to be called an athiest, how devestating for this father who has raised his son to believe, and yet his son has now chosen to not believe because the bible can't prove the bible, I have never heard that argument before. I have never questioned the bible to not be true, I am so thankful for my faith to believe. Today I go to church and I will lift my hands in praise, not because I of my emotions but because of who God is. I will sing praises not because I want any someone to hear my voice, but because I want to please my Father with my praises to His name.

I am thankful I have a heart to sing and a heart to believe!! I am thankful that God inspires me to push forward through this world of anti-christian attitudes. I am thankful be a believer in the strong name of Jesus.

have a blessed day in the sanctuary!!!

my heart today

tamara

He is Amazing

2011-05-14T07:41:00.000-07:00

Or God is amazing, there was a time in the last few years I thought I would be alone, I really did not think I would have my husband with me as I continued with my earthly journey. Yet, today Bobby is with me standing strong, and He has even started building birdhouses again. How amazing, that is so our God, He gives second chances to his children that patiently walk with Him. He gives in ways that give Christ the glory and exceed our expectations. That is why it is important to wait on the Lord, Only He knows the perfect timing with our situation, all glory and every outcome must be for Him. We must learn to wait, knowing as we are waiting God is working all things together for good, not our good but His good, His good is what will give us the most joy. If you have a hard time with that, your wait will be awhile, Jesus came to earth to do His Fathers will, His attitude was always to please His Father, not self.

All the desires that I have wanted for myself, I have thrown out the window, I have learned that they were nay compared to the desires that God is giving me today. I now realize that my expectations are in every moment, resting in my surrendered heart towards Christ. There is peace, joy and wisdom in this place of abiding. Just walk and God will bring every opportunity that He knows you are prepared for, be prepared, be ready, be surrendered.........then be AMAZED!!!!!!!

My heart today
tamara

2011-05-01T10:37:00.000-07:00

My Son Blake and I

at my cousin Kyle's Daughters wedding (Nick and Sarah Ectchevery). Blake just found out that he and his wife, Amber, are going to be parents. I am so excited and feel very blessed that I will be a Grammies for the 4th time. Being a Grandmother is so very wonderful and I love watching my children become parents. Seeing them experience the overwhelming love that only a child can give is so amazing.

Owen finding an egg!

This is sweet Brooke and Owen at Easter.....

Our Walk

2011-04-27T06:41:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 14:14

The backslider gets bored with himself, the godly mans life is exciting.

There was a time in my marriage that I was on my christian journey alone, but by the grace of God and His amazing goodness I no longer am alone, my husband also walks with me. It has not been some overnight success story, I wish I could say it has been easy and just like that my husband's life was changed, it did not happen that way, but the way it did happen was just the way God intended for it too, not only has he changed but the process has also changed me. Which brings me to my little story of one of the little wonderful episodes of this exciting new journey that I am no longer experiencing alone but rather walking with my husband.

Well, the other day I was struggling with mid-life mood swings which occurs often now that menopause has exploded into my life. But my amazing God has been teaching me how to deal with the many different emotions that come with this season of life. One of the things that God has taught me is to do something with my feelings rather than focus on them. I had been having my neighbor on my heart for some time, feeling as if I needed to invite him to church. But I kept putting it off, but this day I decided to instead of feel sorry for me I would turn those feelings into a God moment and make cookies. So I made a bunch of cookies and started thinking who I could give them to, and who pops into my mind but my neighbor, by the way my neighbor is a young paraplegic, but anyway I make the cookies and think I want to invite him to Easter service, so I go and tell Bobby I'm going over to his house, and ask Bobby if he wants to go, He kind of looks at me hesitantly and then says "sure"! So off we go! I am holding a plate of oatmeal cookies and a card. This is big for Bobby and I, we are experiencing our first mission together as servant's of the Lord. I am obeying my heart, listening to the Spirit and asking our neighbor to church, we have lived next door to him for probably 15 years and the relationship has not been an easy one. But God calls us to love those that He puts in our path not the ones that we choose.

Anyway we give him the cookies and the card, Bobby tells him how God and church has helped him and I explain in my almost crying voice how God has been impressing my heart to invite him to church. So a few weeks pass and Easter pass, Well, while Bobby was outside yesterday, Darrel called him over, and he begins to thank Bobby for encouraging him to go to church, Darrel went to church and was very excited about it. Bobby was excited, and when Bobby told me I was excited. So at dinner last night Bobby said, You know being a Christian is exciting! Oh what music to my ears and what joy to my heart to hear my husband confirm what God has been doing for the last 31 years.

Thank You Lord for keeping my marriage together so I could see your glorious work, despite my many times of having a bad attitude. Thank You for keep me persevering and committed to my marriage when I did not feel the emotion. Thank You for giving Bobby and I a walk together and answering my many prayers for our walk to one day be together.

My heart today

Tamara

2011-04-19T08:08:00.000-07:00

Everytime we make a choice to seek God, we are never a failure, we are a perseverer. So! quit looking at yourself as a failure, stop focusing on the what you should of done, havent done, or cant do!

Failure- nonperformance of something due, required, or expected. A person or thing that proves unsuccessful.

Perseverer- to persist in anything undertaken; maintain a purpose in spite of difficulty, obstacles, or discouragement. To continue steadfastly.

Our relationship with Chist has never been based on our performance, so we know we can never perform to be successful as a believer. Our success is Christ alone, and the Spirit that dwells in us, helping us to keep our hearts focused on the Cross and not the lies that hinder our daily walk.

Zechariah 4:6

This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel;

Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit says the Lord.

Trusting in performance will always lead us to a self conclusion, never a Christ centered perspective. Giving God the power to change us and those we love is so freeing. Persisting in our purpose despite difficulty and knowing we are going to fall short, but never a failure, because we were meant to be unsuccessful, we were created to need Him, continue steadfastly, you are a perseverer!

Book

Jesus Calling

I love you regardless of how well you are perfoming.....performing and God's love are two different issues which we need to sort out.

My behavior is not what transforms me, His perfect behavior is my guide to transformation, my imperfect behavior is a gracious reminder of how much I need Him and keeps me surrendered and on my knees persevering towards the goal.

Prayer Today

Thank You Father, for the work You are doing in my heart. And today I pray that You continue to take my eyes off of me and give me a heart for the world. As long as I am focused on my imperfections, I am useless as a servent to the lost. I want to focuse on the need, of a fallen world and be used to bring glory to God. So today I persevere and pray that God would use my little ability as a servent of Christ, to show love to every soul that sits in my chair. That You God can count on me to have an attitude of a perseverer and not a failure.

In Christ name,

Amen

my heart today

tamara

2011-03-06T19:57:00.000-08:00

Valley Baptist has been having amazing Church, I have been so blessed by the preaching, God is truly moving in the hearts of the people. I love seeing the alter full and people making decisions for Christ, the last two Sundays I have helped with registering people who have made decisions, so many people renewing their commitment, young family's wanting to serve. Meagan who is Owen and Brooke's Mom, has been coming to Church with Bobby and I which is such a praise. The gospel has been given clearly, and I am so confident that God is working in her heart and drawing her to Him I love watching her fall in love with the Father that is who loves us so much.

Bobby and I had a wonderful weekend together watching all the movies that were up for awards, we really liked the movie titled "Winter Bones" it was a surprise movie, with great acting and a sad but true story line. We also watch a movie I am totally shocked at and disappointed at myself that I didn't turn the tube off, but I have a hard time starting and not seeing how it ends. But it was the movie "Love and other Drugs" I think that is the title, but is just plain nasty. Sorry, but I was shocked! We also watched the movie that is about Facebook, and we liked it it was interesting. Tomorrow I go back to work, and after watching 60 Minutes I am so thankful to have a home and a job.....so sad for the children of family's who have lost their homes. I cried!!! But now what can I do I want to help, I want to be a helper, I want to get involved.....but I don't even know where to start. I will pray, because I can hardly keep myself going with my own life, but I do feel as if I should be doing more for the world in need.I'm sorry that I can't get myself together enough to do more.

Friday I will be leaving for Texas to see my Mom, I am working on my attitude about missing her. I am so blessed to be able to go see her as much as I get to. Thanks to my Brother who takes care of that need in my life, I could never afford to go as often as I do.

This is Amber, Blakes wife holding Calvin......

Uncle Blake and Calvin

Best is Better!

2011-03-05T10:46:00.000-08:00

   Some times being good parents isnt easy, we at times have to give togh love in order for or children to have the opportunity to be their best. Sometimes we have to make uncomfortable choices, and engage in ncomfortable conversations in order to help them find their best place in this life.

As I was thinking this morning about our experiences with our children, It made me think of my experience lately with my Heavenly Father. I have been struggling with a grey area, a choice that many believers today struggle with, I won't go into detail cause that is another blog...... anyway God allowed me to get to a place in my struggle where I was totally miserable, a place where I would finally cry out and pray for Him to rescue me from my misery. Mind you, this struggle has been going on and off again for the last three years, I have been wrestling with God for this long. Finally after threes years and God's timing I can claim victory in my life, and when God transforms a heart from a sin, a habit, a struggle, when it comes from the strength of God, the life changing power of the cross, He changes for good. I don't want to go back to misery, it feels to good here in the place of victory. I remember when I would be teaching women to run, so many times they would want to stop and go back to walking, I knew their heart and their desire to keep running, I would remind them of the victory they would feel when they finished accomplishing their hearts desire to run all the way.

We are stubborn people and we say we want to listen to God, be obedient where ever He calls to be obedient. Bt as we move forward in or walk the call becomes more personal and the habits and choices become grey, God calls yo to listen to Him, and not go by what other believers are doing. He reaches deep down in your soul and wants to make you better.

quote......... Once in awhile one is called on to speak out against something that is good in order to present His best. from the book, "Principles of Spiritual Growth"

Scripture........2 Timothy 2:15,20....  Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.
I want to emphasize the word God, it is to Him we are to be approved, not to men.... Thank You, Father for teaching me that Truth! If we don't listen to God we can become judgmental in our obedience....meaning it becomes about becoming self-righteous in our obedience rather than finding victory in knowing we are listening to the voice of the Holy Spirit, that He is personally calling us to a place for a purpose that is only known to Him......what a personal God!
Scripture.....But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver but also of wood and clay, some for honor and some for dishonor. Therefore if anyone cleanses himself from the latter, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful  for the Master, prepared for every good work.......!
I cold stay here in this place and remain as wood and clay, be miserable continue to make excuses for my sadness other than what it is.....(ignoring the voice of the Lord), or I could surrender and be a vessel of gold and silver...why wouldn't I want the latter?

Just as Bobby and I are being good parents by at times saying uncomfortable things to or children to help them, so them move on their life..... God had to get me to move by making me miserable in the place I was in. I feel like my old self, no longer do I wake up sad, no longer do I feel confused about who I am, what my purpose is.....God has given me a clear understanding that He has done a great work in me....Yes, it has taken me 3 years to finally surrender to Him the sin I was ignoring to be sin, but as James says " Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it , to him it is sin.

I don't ever want to go back to Egypt, the place of sadness, depression and confusion....I love it here in the promised land......I look forward now with Christ....to what He has planned.

I still will struggle, but I have overcome because I have had an intimate experience with God and He has shown me who I am with the sin in my life and without......I prefer without !!!!!

We as believers can live our lives with sin, and become deceived into believing that we are OK.....my experience has been life changing.....but it has not been a easy path. I am not going to say that overnight God did this or that in my life and now I am a new person. No! this has cost me 3 years of spiritual deadness, an awful place to be. But today I see so much truth in ways I would never have if I had not gone through this hard place. I have repented, and I know God's grace is sufficient.

my heart today!
tamara

2011-02-24T08:17:00.000-08:00

Help Me To Know Who I am.......

2011-02-22T08:46:00.000-08:00

I am Yours, over and over I have to repeat these words, until my heart believes them to be true. Yesterday I was driving home from work and I felt the emotions of carrying the burdens of a fallen economy and just feeling different than the world and the way it is. The feelings that come and go, the lies that fly through my mind, it is a war that I have been fighting recently from within. I know God is working out His goodness in me, showing me areas of Faith I have not experienced before.

Proverbs 12:25
Anxiety in the heart of man cases depression,
But a good word makes it glad.

As so many people today my business has declined, it is a very hard place when I look at my appointment book and see empty pages starring back at me. I know the palpitations in my chest are the result of the physical stress. It is times such as these that I have to speak out to my God, over and over again. Resting in the truth of His word, that He is in control over my life. It is hard for me as a women to carry the weight of the main provider, but I also never would say this was not what God allowed. I know in my heart I am not the only woman who has had to be the main provider for her family. I also know that for a woman it is not a easily accepted role, it is hard and God knows it. So it is my desire to write this not for sympathy but to reach out to the women who work hard and fight the voice of defeat, knowing that God is working His plan out even when the economy deals us gloom. Today I have 3 clients, usually I have at least 10, tomorrow my page for Wednesday is 0, Thursday I have 2. I am not the only Hairstylist at our Salon who is looking at empty pages, there are gals seeing more days than I, with blank pages.

I am His, I am Christ's child living for Him, and finding hope in what He will do in me, eagerly waiting for His promise. I don't hope in the things that I see here, I hope for the eternal things that I can't see. My fight is for the perseverance that comes from knowing who I am in Him. This world wants to weight us down with its burdens, we all have them and we all have to fight to overcome them. We have in us the Spirit who will help us fight for the feelings of Peace.

Romans 8:25
But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.

Today, put your hope in what you cant see, and ask God to help you know who you are in Him.

STuCK

2011-02-21T11:55:00.000-08:00

There are many things we desire in our life time, there are goals we desire to achieve, gifts we desire to use, and dreams we desire to see come true. My desires have gotten stuck, my goals my dreams and my gifts they are all stuck. So the question is how do I get unstuck from this place? God has allowed me to sit here for awhile unmovable, maybe God doesn't want me to move, maybe I am right where He wants me!

Instead of being stuck on my goals, gifts, and dreams He wants me to be stuck on Him to the point I don't need anything else. It is hard to stick to God in a world that has so many distractions, and says we deserve to have life full of all our expectations, all we have to do is work for it and we will achieve it. But I don't think God wants us to put so much into or plans. He has changed my plans so many times I finally have given up on trying to make any. I think I'm ok....I am going to stay stuck here for awhile, I have decided I don't want to move, God has me right where He wants me....! STuCK ON HIM!

2011-02-20T19:14:00.001-08:00

CALVIN MARIN RIMESTAD

8LBS 10OZ

BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD!!

BORN JAN.18,2011

2011-01-12T06:04:00.000-08:00

Calvin could actually come anytime, his little face is all I want to see! My daughter has chosen to have a natural childbirth, which means she will not be using a epidural for pain relief, instead she will work through the pain and deliver the way I did it and so many other women have done it. In my day I did not have a choice or if I did I don't remember. I don't think there is one thing wrong with either way, however a person chooses to get the baby out it is fine with me.

My daughter has chosen the natural way because she is very sensitive to many types of drugs and she wants to be as alert and as strong as she can be ding the birth of her and Daves son. I really do admire her choice and their very pro-active participation in the way they communicate to the Doctor and the Nurses in regards to the birth of their baby. Of course they have left options open in case tings don't go as planned, and they are having Calvin in the hospital, (this time)! they have mentioned they wold like to have had a home birth.

Emily is a very beautiful lady and I am amazed everyday at her strength and courage at facing whatever she has to face, it is so much fun being her mom and watching her live her life of faith. It is very humbling to watch her grow and see God's hand in her life from birth to today! I feel blessed, and I know she was given to me as a gift, to give back to God. And both Bobby and I have had to release her so many times to our Father.

Well, as soon as I get the word I am on my way to Riverside to be waiting for that little guy to appear on the stage of this world. He has already made an impression, to medical technicians as his little face appeared to them in the ultrasound, very animatied and on fire just as his Daddy is.

Bobby is doing well, which is such a blessing, we are working on a new program for his adrenals, work is busy bt so many of the girls are sitting, it is sad to see the business so slow. Even in the hard times I am thankful I love what I do for a career, I love that I get to share and discover new and wonderful relationships through the people that sit in my chair.

Blessings for today and I pray that God gives me the Love I need to meet each person He brings into my life today,

My heart today
tamara

Longing

2011-01-03T06:42:00.000-08:00

Longing for something is a feeling deep down that just doesn't go away easily, it is a feeling deep within the heart, a place that is a continual dripping of a longing thought. I have a longing to live my life for Christ, in fact it woke me this morning from a deep sleep. I woke to the feeling of a need deep down where nothing else can penetrate, but the voice of the Lord. I am so thankful for the feelings of a longing desire, though the longings hurt at times, I could not desire the life He has for me without those deep longings of my heart.

There are longings I have had to learn to let go of, such as my Mom, I long to have my her back in Bakersfield, but that is a longing that I know would not be the best for my Mom, there are certain longings that just aren't meant to become reality, and we as believers have to learn how to discern which longings we should hold onto and which ones we should let go of. My Mom is without a doubt at the place where she is meant to be, and my Sister is in Texas because God has put her there, I cannot argue that God's hand was not in their decision to move. So my longing for my Mom has to be dealt with by giving the hurt to my Lord.

Yet, I believe that there are longings that God gives us to help us hold on to His will. Longing to know Him more, longing to be in His fellowship at all times. Without this longing for the things of God we could never serve Him. We have longings that hurt and longings that empower us to move forward, to keep going in His will through His power, not ours. There are longings that are fleshly desires that come from our "self" and the longings that are desired by God. He puts these in or hearts to give us a clear understanding of His will for our life. There are longings that I believe God gives us, these longings are His voice whispering to us, His loving desire for us to long for His salvation.

Psalms 119:175

I long for your Salvation, Oh Lord

Dearest Father,

I long for Your presence today to be all I need, I long to worship You in Truth and Love, I long to give to others the Hope that is in me, I long to be used by You in the service You call me to do. I long to testify of Your power in Me, I long to be free from quilt of the past and I long to be free from the sins of omission. May Your Grace be sufficient for me today. And may I long for Your Salvation.

Amen

my heart today

tamara

Happy New Year

2011-01-01T10:49:00.000-08:00

As I watch the comments and posts of people on the Internet, asking what would be the desires of their heart for 2011. I asked myself what is it that I desire from 2011. Last year Bobby and I faced 2010 with illness, this year we are facing a New Year with excitement and hope for a second chance at health. Not just health physically but most important health spiritually. My husband has before my eyes become a man who seeks God, His physical illness brought spiritual healing in so many ways. Only a good and merciful God could bring wonderful blessings from something so hard. Bobby and I didn't know what we had facing us in 2011, we most surely did not think it would be an opportunity for newness of life.

2 Chronicles 7:1
When Solomon finished praying, fire came down from heaven and consumed the burnt offering and the sacrifices; and the glory of the Lord filled the temple.

What I think I have learned for myself is I am not all I expected to be, but I am exactly who Christ created me to be. I am learning to walk in His will and believe in the place I am at, believing it is exactly where He wants me to be. I have a bad habit of always looking to far ahead or to far behind, instead of seeing what is right before my eyes. I hope I can be more thankful in 2011, and I most definitely I want to pray more.....for friends, family and for the people I don't know yet, but the ones God knows and who He trusts to bring my way for a word of Hope. I want to pray as Solomon did, and I want to be filled with the Holy Spirit and guided by the eyes of the Lord. I want to be successful at living the life of faith. Trusting Him in the silent times as well as the times He is filling my heart with a joyful song. I want to settle into this place of surrender and wait expectantly for Him to hear my prayers, I don't want to rush away one day. I don't want to listen to the accuser anymore, believing my failures are keeping me from God, but rather listen to the One who has redeemed all my faults and uses everyone of my imperfections to keep me totally dependent on the One who is Perfect.

2 Chronicles 7:11
Thus Solomon finished the house of the Lord and king's house; and Solomon successfully accomplished all that came into his heart to make in the house of the Lord and in his own house.

my heart today
tamara

Texas Visit

2010-12-30T05:07:00.000-08:00

Bobby and I have been visiting Texas for the last 4 days, we are getting ready to head home tomorrow. It has been a very big blessing to be able to spend precious time with my Mom. My sister does a very good job at being a caregiver, this has not been a easy road for either of us, I miss my Mom terribly, yet I do feel that she is so better off here at Teresa's. I know Teresa struggles with the quilt of moving to Texas.

"Prayer"

Dearest Father,

Today I thank You for taking such good care of my Mom, even though it has been difficult for both Teresa and I, I know the choices we have made in regards to Mom has been what is best for her.

I am very happy Bobby got to come with me to visit, it has been since July that he had seen my Mom, he and my Mom have a very close relationship. The trip has been hard on Bobby, his back has not endured the trip well. He has been in so much pain the last couple of days. He probably won't be able to travel here anymore. My brother has been very generous to pay for the travel expenses to visit my Mom, Nothing happens without God's complete control, as I look back over the lives of us three children I can see how God, cared for each one of us in His unique way. I am looking forward to getting back to my home, yet it is going to be very difficult to leave my Mom. We have had a good trip, we went shopping although it is getting so hard for Mom to be away from home for very long. She keeps telling me she is sorry she left me all alone in Bakersfield, I try to assure her that it was not her choice. My heart aches to think about saying goodbye, I am so thankful my brother makes sure I can come and visit often. I have come to realize that life does not get any easier with age, we will never get to comfortable while we are here on earth, God has it planned that way, He wants us to long for our eternal home. My Mom has said to me that she never thought old age would be like this, meaning her mind has let her down. I am so thankful for this visit and I look forward to the next one, SOON!!!!!!!

Calvin

2010-12-28T08:16:00.000-08:00

Next month my newest Grandson, Calvin will be born....the excitement is overwhelming and the anticipation of this new little person exploding onto the scene is very humbling. This Christmas I have experienced new and wonderful emotions, in regards to childbirth. With the soon birth of Calvin and the recent celebration of the birth of Christ, the expression of Hope has become new and more meaningful as I compare the birth of Christ, and the Hope He brought, and He transfers hope to us for Calvin. Bobby and I both have been in fervent prayer for the nine month journey of our grandson. With today's technology we can experience seeing smiles, and the already wonderful personality God has given Calvin, we are getting to know him before he is even here.

Emily and David came to Bakersfield for Christmas and they had to do extra traveling to see everyone, Emily being almost full term, is having a hard time getting comfortable while trying to sleep. I thought about Mary, as her and Joseph traveled hard paths to get to the place where Christ would be born. I also thought about how people would touch Marys tummy while Christ was moving around and how the Spirit would bring people to tears as they talked about the arrival of their Savior. I am so thankful for the joy that I feel for my grandson, knowing that the Joy I feel, was brought to us wrapped in swaddling cloths and laid in a manager in a stable, and that the love I feel is the Love that God sent to us that day was born to die on a cross for our sins.

Because of that one Special Birth all births have special meaning, each birth has a special purpose, each birth has a future and a hope, each birth in His image.

January 20th Calvin Rimestad will already be here, or his cheering fans will all in place waiting for him to burst into the world.

my heart today
Tamara

Thanksgiving

2010-11-27T08:44:00.000-08:00

It has been our Tradition for some time to have Thanksgiving at our home, I have always enjoyed being the hostess for the day. I invite whoever needs a home, a family for a day. We have a friend who lives in Lake Isabella, he is 95 and he still drives the canyon to celebrate the day with us. This will be the last one I am thinking, he has cancer and has been fighting it for so long, he looked tired and weak this year. He is an amazing Christian and I know he is eternally saved, but it was sad seeing him this year and knowing that was probably the last year of having him be a part of our family tradition. It was my first year without my Mom, I missed her so, and not a moment went by that I was not thinking about her and all the memories she left for me. Life is about the cycle, everything changes and the cycle of life keeps going. What memories are we leaving for our children, I want to leave memories of my Father, I want my children to miss God when I am not around for Thanksgiving, I hope that my faith is missed and that the cycle of belief continues to become the power behind the family bond.

I celebrated this Thanksgiving whole different attitude and with a love that encompassed everyone, not just the ones that are easy to love but the ones that are lost, the ones who speak against the ways of truth and like the things of the world. I am thankful for my attitude this year and the way God has changed my heart towards the outward life of those who are in my family. I am Thankful that God looks at the inward and not the outward, He sees the heart of all of us and only He truly knows what actually has our attention. I am thankful, that a God has given me new Hope, that comes from His truth and from being devoted to prayer, my head knowledge has turned to heart knowledge and I am now walking with the joy of faith and not just faith. I am Thankful that I can let go and let God, I am constantly amazed at how much more God can persuade me to give to Him. It is a good day and I am eagerly waiting for Christmas, with a whole new attitude and encouraging the cycle of life, because I know with heart knowledge that God is in control, and He is doing His best work in my family. Without the cycle life there would be no Hope for change, and with out change God could not do His amazing work in the lives of our loved ones. We struggle, but we do so knowing that God is working all things for good, and that His purpose is for His glory and our eternal life with Him.

Praise God!
tamara

Our Journey

2010-11-21T07:58:00.000-08:00

Psalms 84:1

How lovely is Your tabernacle

O Lord of Host

Hebrews 9:11

But Christ came as a High Priest of the good things to come, with the greater and more perfect tabernacle not made with hands, that is, not of this creation.

Psalms 84:2

My soul longs, yes even faints for the courts of the Lord.

Psalms 100:4

Enter into His gates with thanksgiving and into His courts with praise.

Be thankful to Him and bless His name.

Prayer

Dearest Father,

Please “Be” without “me” trying to do. Thank You for showing me that Your constant presence is enough. I can and will walk this journey in the presence of the Almighty God. I know God is with us

Your Tabernacle is in our heart!

Your Courts is in our heart!

Your presence is with us always!!

Amen

"It's Just Stuff"

2010-11-08T07:12:00.000-08:00

Saturday Bobby and I had a yard sale to say good-bye to old memories, much of the things we were selling were my Mothers things. It has not been an easy task to let go of all her stuff, she had held on to papers from 1949, my gosh why! Because that is what we do, we want to hold on to things, we have a hard time letting go. Bobby was trying to be patient with me as I went through things, even I had to go through the stuff more than once and sometime more than twice, just to say good-bye and let it go. My Mom said to me, that old age isn't what she expected, and as I was thinking about it I told Bobby, that God doesn't want us to ever get to comfortable here, that our comfort is with Him and Him alone. As believers our life here will never be all we anticipate, only until we get to our eternal home will we find the lasting comfort desire in our hearts. My Mom has and had a wonderful life, but I understand what she was saying, I sometimes put too much expectations here in this temporal place and forget God has an eternal home waiting, and He isn't about to let us get to comfortable here.

Sunday Bobby and I went to Church and had wonderful fellowship with people that love the Lord and hope in eternity. This is a something I hold on to when God calls me to let go. We let go of the old and watch Him rebuild the new, my Mom is letting go of her life here on earth and now she is living this temporal life with anticipation of the eternal. And God is giving Bobby and I a new foundation together as a couple. It all points to the same eternal goal.......being with Jesus in eternity......let go of the stuff and hold on to the only Thing that will last......a relationship with Christ.

My heart today
Tamara

A Wedding

2010-10-18T08:38:00.000-07:00

My Son Blake got married this weekened, his bride Amber is now his wife and my knew daughter. From the time my children were infants I prayed for each one and their future mate, God has been good to my children and so far each one has married amazing people.

I couldn't of asked for a more beautiful day full of celebration and joy, having all my children together was beautiful in itself. My oldest son Nick, was away in Canada working, but his son, Owen, and his wife, Meagan, as there celebrating the day with us.

The day started with family and friends gathering at the Santa Barbara Court house, a beautiful place to share the union of two familys. There was never a tear, just very proud of the two people God was bringing together. Lots of smiles and hugs!

David and Emily and Aunt Patty

Grandma Dodi and Great-grandson , Owen!

My precious family has been such a blessing to me, and especially on this day I felt overwhelmed with joy, so thankful for the loved ones God has given to Bobby and I. We are blessed beyond measure. My mother-in-law, Dodi had not been out of town for more that 10 years. Since Dad passed she has not left Bakersfield, so to have her at Santa Barbara with us was so special. It was hard not to have my mom there, I missed her the whole time. She would of loved all the socializing and laughter. I love you Momma.

Matt Weir did the ceremony and he did a great job, I watched Blake as he looked at Amber while Matt was speaking and Blake was listening to every word. Matt was Blakes boss for awhile way back, so Matt said it was appropriate that he let Blake go to Blakes new boss, "Amber"!

MR. AND MRS. BLAKE ERBERICH

Cubbies

2010-10-07T07:56:00.000-07:00

Last night was another successful night with the cubbie group, Bobby and I are finally getting ourselves organized. It is so important that I teach these three year olds the truths of Jesus, and that they leave talking about Him.

....with my mouth I will make known Your faithfulness to all generations.

Psalms 89:1

God has given me a heart for these little ones, they are like sponges that soak up the good stuff. Bobby's job is to do all the paper work, he is very good at paper work, God has a job for us all if we open ourselves up to the opportunity's and be available when He calls.

I feel we were successful, the cubbies left announcing, "JESUS IS COMING" .......lol that was part of our lesson. One little cubbie said I don't want Jesus to come yet, cause I would be dead, oh the mouths of babes.....

our walk together

Bob and Tamara

Joy

2010-10-06T10:01:00.000-07:00

The other morning I woke up and was feeling down, just the way I feel sometimes, don't know why but I do. Bobby could tell that I was having a difficult time with my emotions, so he began to ask me what was wrong? I confessed to him that I was just not feeling joyful, and the joyful days were not getting closer together but farther apart. He sat me on his lap and we talked alot about my feelings and then we kissed and out the door to work I went. All morning I thought about my lack of joy and wondering why I couldn't get my groove back. My Christian groove, my mighty mo-jo, I was feeling as if God had decided that I was no good and He would just leave me in my misery. I know in my head that isn't true, and I see good things going on in the heart of my Husband and I know God is working all around me doing wonderful and amazing things in the lives of those I love, but what about joy!

Throughout the day I had been meditating on my thoughts of joy, and while I was working on one of my clients, she was coming out of the dryer, she said to me, I have to share a miracle with you, I was thinking she was going to tell me about some spectacular healing.....I don't know, maybe about someone who came to know Christ from the most unusual circumstances......but no, she started off by saying she had lost her Joy, I couldn't believe what I was hearing her story was as close to mine as could be. She continued to tell me she was up all night asking God to about joy, praying for it and wondering what it meant. Then she said the miracle was as she opened her devotional that morning the Lord started her off with speaking about his joy, then the paper she picked up there was an article about joy, then the next thing she picked up it was titled JOY!! At the moment she said, I told the Lord I hear You, You are here, You are listening to me, I am in the presence of the Lord always, Joy is that we get to be in the presence of Christ always, he is with us always, that was the joy!!! I explained to her that I was struggling with the joy thing, and I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It wasn' by accident that she shared her miracle with me, the miracle is that Christ died for us and lives in our hearts, the miracle is that Joy isn't about a feeling it is about Him, His presence is joy, His presence is enough, I don't need a feeling to know joy because Joy is Him and He is enough.

my thoughts today

Calvin

2010-10-02T08:28:00.000-07:00

My Daughter Emily is pregnant with our Grandson Calvin, he is already so precious to me. With today's technology the ultrasounds provided for us we view them with all the images of their personality in check. I have Calvin's picture at 16 weeks sitting on my station at the Hair Salon I work at, I introduce him to everyone who sits in my chair. I have his picture in a very cute pock-a-dot frame and it is very common for the client to pick the frame up and hold it and look at it while asking questions about him. Calvin is special to me and he is perfect, in this picture he is 16 weeks old, not very old to the worlds view, as I share his little image I talk bragg about his perfect nose, perfect chin and I must admit a perfectly big noggin,(head) a round tummy with perfect legs stretched out while his thumb is so affectionately stuck in his mouth. Of course I go through the whole story of Emily coming out of the womb sucking her thumb, so Calvin sucking his thumb while his first picture was taken is not that surprising. But what is surprising is how perfectly formed Calvin is at 16 weeks. And how his little personality is already woven into his soul, and his spirit is already reaching out to people as they are so surprised at how old he looks for just being 16 weeks.

Jeremiah 1:5

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.

I believe God knows each human that He creates for this world before they are conceived and I believe each soul is created for a eternal purpose. I know that Calvin has a wonderful opportunity for Christ, he is being born to wonderful parents who love Jesus and will do whatever necessary for the sake of raising their child to know and serve Christ. But what concerns me is there are others who don't know about the soul that is created in them was created by an amazing Creator, they don't know that each soul has a purpose beyond this world. As believers and non-believers pick up the picture of Calvin they always are amazed at the age of his little life, and there is always on opportunity for me to speak about Jesus and His amazing creation.

There He is our little Calvin, perfect in every way at 16 weeks, I was telling my clients yesterday that I have a relationship Calvin just by having this picture on my station...lol. all my clients too, are already in love with him. So now that my daughter is 6 months pregnant and looking and feeling wonderful, I praise God for his miracle of creation.

my heart today
Tamara

"Cubbies with my Hubbie"

2010-09-30T07:21:00.000-07:00

Last night was our 3rd week of helping in Cubbies together, Cubbies is the three year old class that is a part of Awana's, a bible club for children put on at our church. Well, because our grandson Owen is three in November we decided it was a great opportunity to get him started early at learning precepts of the bible. The first two times we met were with a leader who has done it for a couple of years, and a mom who volunteers as a helper because her kid is a monster, well maybe not a monster, more like a non-angelic challenge, to say it more spiritually....lol. The mom hadn't left him alone in class, until last night of course when it was just Mr. Bob and I there all by ourselves with the non-angel and 16 other babies trying to share Jesus.  And I say that respectfully because I an determined to influence those babies about Jesus and His word by the end of this Awana's year.

I do believe that it is the responsibility of the parents to live the life of the gospel at home and these babies need to get their first impressions from their parents, although I know that some of them aren't getting it at home so we as church family, can step in and fill in the blanks of some of these babies lives making sure they hear about the gospel. So come divorce or high water......Bobby and I are going to serve these little kiddos the gospel of Jesus Christ each Wednesday night.  Our first night alone was with 16 babies and 1 non-angel, of which we would like to say Adios' to, but after calming down and much discussion we both agree each child weather non-angel child or perfect child needs to hear the gospel, and we believe Christ in His great wisdom put each one in our class.

Bobby is Mr. Bob and he is so amazing with each one, what a blessing it is to have him out there with me, although last night was hard on him, because he had to lift one of the Cubbies out of the sink in the bathroom, this was the same Cubbie that last week poor Mr. Bob, had to clean-up after going potty, because poop was every where.  Then last night this Cubbie decided to clean himself , so whenMr.Bob walked into the restroom, little Cubbie was in the sink soaping himself down. Ha Ha Ha!!!! My gentle giant of a husband just quietly assisted him, then later, as we were talking to our directer, Bobby told her, " that restroom can keep a helper pretty busy, there is alot of activity in there!" Oh the adventures of Cubbies! Well, I didn't get much paper work done, but I did do much talking about Jesus and how much He loves us, and yes! Even the little non-angelic Cubbie, Jesus loves them all.

Our heart today
Tamara

"We Wept Together"

2010-09-22T08:06:00.000-07:00

1 Samuel 20:41-42

And they kissed one another, and they wept together, but David more so. Then Jonathan said to David, "Go in peace, since we have both sworn in the name of the Lord, saying, " May the Lord be between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants, forever. So he arose and departed and Jonathan went in the city.

I just got home from being in Texas for 5 days, visiting my Mom who has moved there to live with my Sis and Brother-in-law. Mom will be tested today for Alzheimer's, a form of dementia, that is cruel and disheartening for the patient and the family. My Mom doesn't remember my Sis, it is an odd form of forgetfulness, she knows it is Teresa but not "her" Teresa! But as awful as the forgetfulness has been, the bond between my Sis and my brothers, (Rick and Tracy) has been a blessing. My mom likes it at my sisters, my sisters house is quiet and peaceful unlike mine that is busy and hectic at times.....but yet it is hard knowing I can't be close so my Sis and I could help each other take care of my Mom. This is where I depend on God to help me with my selfishness and allow Him to have Mom where she can have to most comfortable care. My Mom still remembers me and although I am thankful she does, it makes me feel sadness for my sister.

My bother surprised us and flew in the night before I left, we all sat and cried together as we remembered both my Dad and my Mom. My Dad passed recently and then with my Mom becoming worse it has made us think about things we knew would one come about........our parents leaving us. We have a long road together as a family, but the most important part is that we are a family. When I saw my Mom she regained clarity to her thoughts......seeing a familiar face helped her with her memory. We all shared great memories and talked alot about things that were hard yet needed to be shared. We put ourselves aside and thought about what was best for our Mom. My brother said, that there is going to be sacrifice involved in whoever has her at for full time, something we realize and want to be able to do. But sacrifice is a process also, and it takes encouragement with unconditional support from every member of the family. The full-time care-giver is the one who needs to become educated about the disease and feel comfortable to reach out for help when things get tough.

My sis and I left with a hug and a kiss, with tears and smiles. We looked at each other until, the lines of people clouded our view. I came back to the hectic city where my life has many distractions, feeling the urge to cry often I turn to God who eases the pain of missing my Mom and family.

My heart today
tamara

My Mom Waves Goodbye

2010-09-13T08:32:00.000-07:00

Bobby and I have been going to my Mom's home for weeks trying to get all her stuff backed up. It has been a hard time for all of us kids trying to come to terms with my Moms failing health. As things change in our life, and life does bring hard changes, us kids look to each other for lost memories and lost time, but our hope is in the Lord. My tears are becoming farther apart as I pack-up old pictures and journals from my mom's storage, looking at her youth reminds me how quickly time really does go by. My Mom loved cards and she had every card that was sent to her in the last 30 years, she also had a new card for every occasion that she could send a card for.

Last night I was talking to my daughter Emily, I asked her if there was anything personal of Ease's that she might want, something as a keepsake. She asked for sock slippers, she said Grandma Ease would always lay a pair out for her when she would spend the night "Slipper Socks", and a "Robe", on the recliner, waiting for her when she woke up. "Yes"!, "That would be by Mom", conscientious of someone being too cold.

I know that some people have had worse scenarios and that this loss is one of many to come, that is life. But this is my first real experience with loss and it is very hard to say good-bye to someone who has been there for you all of your life.  This week I leave to go to Texas to have a visit with her.  I can't wait to see her sweet face as I wrap my arms around her neck.

We are almost finished at the Mobile, and every time we leave I cry, at missing to see my Mom standing out on the porch waving good by. She was always hesitant to go in until my car was out of her sight.  That time is gone and I will never have those moments of watching her on her porch. I feel at times I took them for granted, wishing I had one more chance one more opportunity to experience that time. But I don't, so we must move on, to the new place that God has called us to. Change is always going to happen here while we are on this earth, and change is what God uses to create in us a purpose exclusively for Him.

I am thankful that I can still see my Mom, and I will get to see her wave good-bye again, just the view will be different and the porch will be different....but it will be my Mom waving goodbye!

my heart today!
Tamara

September 11.........

2010-09-11T08:15:00.000-07:00

I remember coming back from my run with the group of ladies from Fit for God, we were in the line at Starbuck's and the news began spreading that something tragic had happened with an airplane crashing. It wasn't until I got home and turned on the news did I realize the violence that had taken place in America. Our lives were changed, but our faith remained strong. Just thinking today about where I was and what I felt that day, I will never forget.

Looking Back....For Just A Moment!

2010-09-05T07:32:00.000-07:00

Bobby and I had a yard sale yesterday, while going through some tubs I found some of the first notes I had written for Fit for God Ministry. It was exciting to read and remember how God inspired me to start something for Him. God began using my struggles with food addiction, and one thing led to another. But what I realized today is that I still have the passion today that I had then for serving God. God has taken me down a different road than I expected but His love has remained my objective. He has been faithful to keep the important things moving on and the distractions He has mercifully excluded from my life. Everything He has given me than taken away has led me to the place I am today. Never have I depended on Him more than I do today, as I look at my past prayers I realize that it took the path I took to answer the prayers of yesterday, every loss that God allowed had its purpose.

Psalms 73:24

With Your counsel You will guide me,

and afterward receive me to glory.

Finding these old notes has helped me to see how far I have come, it has been such a blessing to see I still have the same interest for fitness and health and that God is still using the knowledge He began giving me long ago for a healthy lifestyle. Though the path may have changed but the destination is the same. God gave me a glimpse of my past to show me His faithfulness in being the perfect Guide. I allow myself to get distracted by the struggles I face, but as I look back I see a perfect path to the fullness of His glory. I am excited about the future and I look forward to the Fall as never before. With a new Grandson on the way, a wedding soon to be and the fact my husband is eager to see what God is going to do with us as a couple. The path I was on did not include Bobby, but the path that I am on today is all about him and I and the Lord.

*Prayer*

Thank You Father,

for the opportunity to look back on the perfect path You allowed me to follow. Thank You for showing me Your faithfulness and giving me a glimpse of Your powerful work in my life. Thank You that today I will praise You and lift up Your name to heaven. Thank You that I was given the strength to wait for You, and not try and go my own way but allow You to keep me on the right path.

My husband and I are truly becoming soulmates!

Amen.

Red Onion's

2010-09-03T08:03:00.000-07:00

I have added red onions to my diet lately I put them in everything. since Bobby and I are learning to eat healthier the red onions add much more flavor to our food. Every time I start cutting one up, and as I begin peeling the many layers away I am reminded of the many layers of man made rules God has been peeling away from me. It doesn't matter how I cut the onion I have to deal with the many layers, and it takes me awhile before I get down to the "real" part of the onion. One of my prayers this year has been that God would get down to the real me, and that I would look to Him to make me who I was created to be rather than focusing to man as my example of realness. I do believe God puts many good people in our life to look up to, but our final example must be Jesus. Our confidence must be in who we are when we are in Christ, and our contentment must be in the life we have been given rather than looking at someone else's life and trying to mold ours to look like theirs. And maybe for some this has been an easy lesson or not a lesson at all, but for me it has been something I have carried around for many years. Learning how to find my identity in Christ, rather than doing something that identifies me.

God has given each one of us a unique life with a unique story of grace and redemption. Because of my unique situation I can't serve in my church like I would like to, and I have been very hard on myself for that. I love being involved in Women's Ministry, but my challenge is being able to be the best wife to my husband and the best leader to women, I can't be both! God has taught me that my obedience is in serving my husband, and that it is not what a person does that matters but who a person is. Am I depending on service for my purpose or on God. Sometimes we don't realize the many man made rules we allow to create who we are. I want to be driven to eternity only by Christ, nothing else but by Him. Recently I have struggled with the feeling of God being distant from me. Yet, I learned long ago that feelings are not what we are to depend on for out relationship with God or people. This time has been different, and the distant has seemed to go on for along time. I still continue to trust and I still go to Him in prayer and word but the fellowship is distant. God always has a purpose in what He

does in us, and there is always a test. God wants to make sure our heart is devoted only to Him, and in order to get us to that place He has to peel away at the outer layers.

2 Samuel 7: 21

For You Lord God, know Your servant.

I am confident God knows me, and am confident He knows how many layers need to be peeled away to get to the real Tamara, so my life can bring glory to Him. My husband is growing in the Lord a process that has taken years to see fruit. My husband seems to be catching up to me, desiring a heart and passion for the things of Christ, something I have prayed for for 20 years. The process has been hard and not the vision I had for myself.....lol.....but only God knew what it would take to change Bobby and answer my prayers. The other day as I was praying asking God to help me in this place, help me to understand why I feel like I am not going anywhere, He spoke the next day through my husband, Bobby came to me and said we need to pray. He has always depended on me to initiate the prayer time, but I hadn't been doing it lately. At that moment I realized God's purpose, He was working on Bobby while he was working in me. God is always working....He will never leave us or forsake us.....if God is for us who could be against us.... I hung on to these two scriptures for the past few months and here we are. Not where I thought we should be but in a better place right where God wants us to be. We may not feel God but He is always working, He is always preparing, He is always in control changing things and removing the things we want to hold onto, making us come to depend only on Him.

2 Samuel 7:28

O Lord God, You are God, and Your words are true, and You have promised this goodness to Your servant. Now therefore let it please You to bless the house of Your servant, that it may continue before You forever, for You. O Lord God, have spoken it, and with Your blessings let the house for Your servant be blessed forever.

*Prayer*

Dearest Father,

Today I Thank You, that You have given me Your word, and the opportunity to share my walk with You with others. I thank You for working in my life by peeling the many layers of stuff off of me and allowing the real me emerge. I want to be real and confident in who I am in You, and not in what I do. I want to walk the walk that has been given me with hope and grace. I realize I won't do it perfect but I will do it. Thank You for Bobby and the growth in his life, and the faith You have given him through all the suffering.

Make us a team, together in our marriage, so we can win family members to Christ who need some coaching to salvation. My prayer is that You will bless our house so we can help You influence those who need You.

Amen

my heart today

tamara

Faithful Friends......!

2010-09-01T07:07:00.000-07:00

Diane getting ready for our run to town!

Then there is me.....posing like a goof!

We are heading to town....down hill, most of the way there, coming back will be tough.

Thinking about Them......The Weary

2010-08-12T07:40:00.000-07:00

All days are good, it is such a blessing and a gift to be able to wake up and have another day to live. But there are some people who don't wake up feeling that way, and even though they know they are blessed they are plagued with an inward sadness. For me God has been gracious enough to help me understand these days and He has helped me to understand the crippling feeling of being depressed. My heart is prayerful for those who do not know the healing of a Great God, or the way to find Him in such a dark place.

I wonder if there are those who truly never suffer from a moment of feeling down, if there is one who wakes up every morning ready to impact the world with their big smile. If there is, than more power to them, but for those who wake up wondering what this world is all about and those who can't find joy in doing their everyday obligations, always thinking there is a better job, wondering if that is the problem, or maybe it is friends, if their friends were around more, some even wonder if they are with the right person as a mate. Those of us who have worked through the experience of feeling this way, we know what worked for us, and we know how to overcome. But there are people all around us who are crippled with emotional pain and who don't understand how to overcome the pull of staying down in the pit.

As believers we have the Help, but there are those who don't know Him, who have no idea how or where to start in the process of finding joy and peace.

My phone call this morning has opened the eyes of my heart and I has given me a prayerful voice to the Lord for those who suffer from depression and mental anguish. As one who has battled my own demons and fought to stay in the light with the great Defender and King, I know there are many all around me that need to hear a word from the Holy Spirit how to escape the enemy's lies.

Today's world is worse, I think than ever before, the distractions that tell us they will bring us happiness are at every convenient corner store.

So today give God's word to those who are searching, searching for peace and joy, it can only be found in Christ and His word but as believers we have to remember we can't change anyone they have to choose the one who can change them, only Christ's redeeming power can even show them a need. So we need to pray for them be there with a careful open ear, prepared to listen and listen and listen.....God will open that door in His timing to the heart of the weary.

Isaiah 48:17

Thus says the Lord, your Redeemer,

The Holy One of Israel

I am the Lord your God,

Who teaches you to profit.

Who leads you in the way you should go.

Oh that you heed my commandments,

Then your peace would of been like a river, and

your righteousness like the waves of the sea.

2010-08-09T18:04:00.000-07:00

Shaver Lake Village HotelLooking Good!

2010-08-09T10:00:00.000-07:00

I was reading a blog the other day about women who married men who they were not equally yoked to. When Bobby and I met I have to admit I was a mess, I wasn't even thinking about whether he was a Christian or not. I hadn't even been taught to look for a man that loved God and valued His word as life, I was looking for a man who loved me with unconditional love, and in Bobby I found that man. Bobby was raised Catholic and I was Baptist, neither one of us were going to Church at the time we met. It was later in our marriage that I started being pulled towards God, getting involved in Women's Ministry was the big tug that got my life on the right track. God's grace was so amazing as He planted very Godly women into my path and showed me the life I desired forand my family and myself. But it was not as easy as I hoped for, the more I got involved in the service of the Lord the more it became a thorn for Bobby, rather than the blessing I had longed for.

2 Peter 3:4

rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quite spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

That became my goal was to be precious in the sight of my God, it was not always easy and I know that it was only by God's grace that I was able to live my life in an unequally yoked marriage, I had to learn to change my heart about my marriage rather than expecting I could change my husband. God has used my marriage to keep me dependant on Him. There are many struggles involved in a marriage that is spiritually divided and I have not been perfect at walking my walk before my husband and before my Lord. God has been faithful and He has never let me down. Bobby and I will always have division in our spiritual life together. I have convictions that he dosn't share with me, but rather than allowing those issues pull me away from him I use it as an opportunity to draw closer to God, by allowing Him to help me have patience and peace.

2010-08-08T07:48:00.000-07:00

TODAY IS THE DAY THAT THE LORD HAS MADE LET US REJOICE AND BE GLAD IN IT.

DAY 14 OF THE " MAKERS DIET" BOBBY IS DOING BETTER, IT IS A DAY BY DAY PROCESS OF GOOD AND BAD DAYS. I AM TRUSTING GOD WITH EACH DAY THAT GOES BY. WE HAVE NOT BEEN BACK TO CHURCH AS A COUPLE SINCE HE HAS HAD SURGERY AND I MISS IT SO MUCH. THIS WEEKENED WE ARE GOING TO SHAVER LAKE TO HAVE A ONE NIGHT GET-A-WAY, THEN NEXT WEEKENED TO SHELL BEACH. SO CHURCH WILL BE AFTER THAT, AND WE WILL GET BACK ON TRACK WITH THAT IMPORTANT PART OF THE HEALING. HAVE A WONDERFUL LORDS DAY!

"Looking Forward To Something"

2010-08-05T07:47:00.000-07:00

This week I have been a little let down and I have no idea why, I just have feelings of blah-za-ness! Life is so much about humdrum days and routine moments, those mountiain top experiences don't come often enough. If only I could live on the mountain top all the time I would be so much happier.....NOT! I did have that thought at one time, but God has gently began teaching me how to appreciate the small details of life, the small things that I was continually skipping over trying to get back up to the top of the mountain. I am such a doer, I did not realize how much I looked forward to doing something, I seem to have to have a project going on or some type of big thing ahead of me that I need to accomplish, I have to have something to look forward to, or something to achieve. Projects aren't bad in themselves, but when I put them before God or allow them to rob me of my devotion to Him then they can become a distraction from His purpose and will.

God has shown me that I don't have to always be climbing up the mountain, he will put me there when He wants me there. I want to find peace where I am at, and find joy in the small details of life. Appreciating the humdrums as much as the mountain tops, and knowing it is God who puts us on the mountain tops not anything we can do on our own or through our self, it is the power of the Holy Spirit who helps us achieve and fulfill anything that glorifys God. We live in a world of self- achievers and sometimes I think I want to live right up there with them. I start putting way to much effort into my life, rather than letting Him be the focuse of my effort.

Psalms 131

Lord, my heart is not haughty

Nor my eyes lofty.

Neither do I concern myself with great matters,

Nor with things to profound for me.

Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul.

Prayer

Dear Lord,

Today as I get ready to go out into this world of Yours, I pray I let go of all my loftiness, and big plans that I try to create for myself. Thank you for the small details that You in Your mercy and great patience have taught me to be contented with. I want to take my time and allow You to open each door to my life, so that I can experience the Holy Spirits perfect help, then my confidence will be from truth and not from what I am trying to achieve.

I love you Father, and I pray that my words will help encourage and strengthen someone today.

34 More Days

2010-08-01T21:49:00.000-07:00

Today was our 7th day of being on the "Makers Diet", I am really getting into this organic way of eating and I feel the best I have felt in in along time. Like I said in a earlier blog I had gotten in a rut as far as my eating and I was paying for it emotionally. When I am eating bad it effects so much of me, I just become out of balance, but when my body is getting the right nutrition it is a much better me walking around.

Great news for Bobby he lost 8 lbs in the first 7 days, I'm hoping his energy will pick up though, he has been battling very low energy and weakness. Some days are better than others but I keep encouraging him not to give up this way of eating that it will kick in soon.

I love the smell of lavender, it is one of my favorite smells, and today when I was shopping at Trader Joe's, I bought organic laundry soap and it smelled like lavender, it was free from all forms of toxic things that they put in soap, my son looked at me like I was crazy, buying organic soap. I wish I would of started this earlier in my life, about natural versus chemical poison but I can't go back and I have a bad habit of beating myself up over the past. I'm not doing that anymore.....I have learned so much in the last year about me, about Bobby and about what is really important. I am so thankful that I am still willing to learn and that God still inspires me to do new and wonderful things.

Good news is that I am really enjoying cooking and finding organic recipes, I ate lentils for the first time last night, and poor Bobby I made him drink this green barley mixture, I was suppose to drink it too, He thinks I did, but I didn't I tasted it! But before I drink the whole glass as he did..... I am going to have to get some other kind of juice to go with it cause it was awful. I had read that the gladiators used this type of barley mixture before they battled in the biblical days, so I went right down and bought us some of it and made my sweet hubby a cocktail of tea and green barley....he drank it right down ,bless his heart, he didn't have to say a word about the taste his poor face said it all. I kept asking do you have more energy, but it didn't work as fast as I was hoping it would. In fact tonight was one of his not so good nights, I wont let him give it up though until he has been on it for a month, Then I said if no results he could have a Root beer, (A&W) that what he misses the most!

Well, this was my heart for tonight!
God Bless
Tamara

Sacrifice

2010-07-31T08:07:00.000-07:00

There is always sacrifice involved anytime we are called to make changes in our life. It's hard to let go of certian behaviors that have been a part of us most of our life. It is hard to give up small pleasures that give our life small joys. That is why we make excuses to keep doing what we are doing even when we know our heart is telling us to move and make changes. Bobby and I have been on the "Makers Diet", and also I am following a book written on Adrenal Fatigue, it will be the first 7 days Sunday, and both Bobby and I are feeling the effects of withdrawals from the sugar and toxins that we are used to having in our body everyday. I can tell Bobby is very discouraged because of the dramatic drop in energy he is expierencing but it is not unusual for this to happen in the beginning, even myself who has good levels of energy is expierencing sluggishness. Bobby is also trying to lose weight, the last 10 years have taken a toll on his metabloism, so this is a process that will take time, it took time to create and will take time to change.

God has been so good to me to allow me to have the attitude of encouragement, I feel very confident that I am on the right path for Bobby and his health.

Proverbs 3:26........For the Lord will be Your confidence and will keep Your foot from being caught.

I have all confidence that God is working strongly in not only Bobby's life but mine as well. I have a new outlook and a new goal and I am determined to persevere towards it. God is good to know our strengths and He knows that when we are being used by Him to prosper the Kingdom we are a joyful people. We were created to serve, just as our Lord came to earth to serve, we two need to know we are serving in a compacity that is pleasing to God. I know that this is where I am to be right now, serving my husband to not only receive physical strength but also spiritual, mental, and emotional newness. God is our healer, I don't know where this path will lead as far as here in this temporal place, but I am sure of where we will be for eternity and that is my goal.

Exodus15:26......If you will diligently listen to the voice of the Lord your God, and do all that which is right in His eyes and give ear to his commandments, and leep all His statutes, I will put none of the diseases on you that I put on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord, your HEALER!

We have 1 more week on phase 1, there are 3 phases to this program, it is a total of 40 days. Last night I went shopping at "Trader Joes" and we had a great organic dinner, for desert instead of Ice Cream, I cut green apples up, (we can only have green apples right now) I put "Sea Salt" on Bobby's and "Stevia" on mine, we both were very satisfied.

I am having to learn how to shop, I have never been the grocery shopper in the home, Bobby has always done that. But now, I told him he needs to let go of that and let me have that job. Our roles had changed for so many years and it is hard for the both of us to change again, but yet we both know that it is time for me to do this and for him to concentrate on health right now.

my heart today
tamara

The

Getting Started !

2010-07-29T07:51:00.000-07:00

I am really excited, my friend Kelly is bringing me a book to loan me on the holistic approach to health. The title is "The Makers Diet" it is awesome how God works, He doesn't skip a beat and He is always leading. Anyway, on Saturday while Bobby and I were at Barnes and Nobel I had looked at so many books but I had picked a particular one up and looked at the author and saw that Charles Stanley had written the forward, but I just couldn't make my mind up . I left the store empty handed, and weary in regards to needing further direction while on this journey to health. Kelly had read my blog about what God was leding me to do, as we were talking, she said she had this book that was loaned to her, further in our conversation I figured it out it was the book I had had in my hand at the book store."(The Makers Diet), Sooooo I guess God wants me to read it, "Do Ya think "?, Lol.....!

I also have a book on adrenal fatigue, which has been very helpful, I will need to combine some of the objectives for Bobby. Starting something always has its challenges, yet I know I am on the right track.....of course! (God will never leave me nor forsake me!).... meditate on scripture.

Normally I have alot of energy, but yesterday my energy was low, as I was reading through the book, it says this is normal, the body is getting rid of all the toxins in the body. Actually my body was use to eating way to much sugary foods, I would pop a piece of hard candy in my mouth every so often and it would keep my energy up. Also, I will have to find a balance for Bobby and I, I am being very strict in the beginning to get us acclimated to eating more often but eating less saturated food. The flesh always craves the delacies that are not good for us.

Daniel 1:5

And the King appointed for them a daily provision of the king's delicacies, and of the wine which he drank, and the three years of training for them, so that at the end of that time they might serve before the king. ..............

verse 8

But Dainiel purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself with the portion of the king's delicacies ,

Thankfully, God is providing strength for me to persevere, I'm sure tougher moments are ahead, but as Daniel, I have proposed in my heart to walk this journey of helping Bobby get healthy. I can't ask him to do something that I, myself wouldn't do with him. It is my desire to come beside him along with God to show him truth and wellness.

So pray with me as I seek God's wisdom and grace to keep keeping on.

my heart today

tamara

Living Strong.......Making Changes!

2010-07-28T07:09:00.000-07:00

If you read my last blog than you know that God has given me a heart to help Bobby fight this infection by drastically changing our diet. I am beginning a whole new way of looking at food and the way it effects the body, the marvelous body that God so graciously blessed us with. Most of you who know me know that I have dealt with food and the issues that go along with its abuse, I have felt that as long as I eat less and if I controlled my portions, than I was doing good. But the work of the Lord is never done! Isn't that so right, as believers God puts in us a desire and a passion, and as time goes on as we live and struggle through this life we assume, in our finite minds, that God has forgotten about the great work He began in us. Of course we know that those thoughts are far from truth. His word clearly states that,

Deuteronomy 31:8

It is the Lord Who goes before you; He will(march)with you; He will not fail you or let you go or forsake you;

Philippians 1:6
And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ(right up to the time of His return), developing (that good work) and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you.

I love this translation, God started something in me more than 10 years ago, a ministry, that He put in my heart to share with other women how He healed me from the control of food. Then just like a light being turned off He changed everything, He called me home to devote more time to Bobby, it was very hard to let go of the ministry, yet I was sure that I was to be devoting more time to my husbands health. Then just as quickly as the switch was turned off, God turned it back on. That is our amazing God, His plan is never ending and His faithfulness is forever, He has given me a strong desire to continue my journey with food. Only this time it is about not only how much we eat but what we eat.

I have to stop here, but I can't wait to share the amazing story of how God continues to give me whole new passion and expierence at being "Fit for God"!

my heart today
tamara

2010-07-26T10:46:00.000-07:00

When I got home from Church yesterday I was welcomed with a nice surprise, Bobby was feeling better than he was when I had left in the morning. I was pleasantly surprised because, we were both so discouraged in regards to the process of the recovery. The antibiotics were making him more sick, which opened our hearts to feel hopelessness rather than the joy of certain recovery. We both had high expectations, in regards to the healing process, so when the antibiotics that the Doctors had him on were making him become more sick we felt let down. But as I worshipped I felt my momentum coming back from fellowshipping with my Church family, the Lord reassured me of His constant provision even in the middle of the long over due healing. So! Rather than stay in that place, I decided to try and find answers on my own, which led me to reading about how to fight infection and other types of inflammation that attacks the body. I have always believed that the food we put into or bodies can effect the way we feel, but to be honest I have not been the best at eating the healthiest way, rather I have always made portion control my answer to weight gain and to emotional eating. Only recently have I felt the Holy Spirit impress me to begin eating to live and not just eating to look good. God has been showing me that I need to put good food in me, not just less food. So here I am on my knees asking God to help me be diligent and steadfast in my desire to help my husband and I, become healthy eaters. I have been reading about fungus infections and bacterial infections and how they can be treated by the foods we eat. I have decided that instead of finding pleasure from eating whatever I want I need to find pleasure in knowing I am eating for healthy vessel for the Lord. I have to reconsider the need to learn how God created or bodies to heal on their own if given the right environment. So this is where we are today, I found a good plan and we are implementing immediately, I have also prayed and asked God to give me strength to follow it. I need to show Bobby that I support this lifestyle and that I support him, but above all I need to be obedient to God with the task He has called me to pursue. I do believe if I have learned anything from years of my husband suffering, it is to not to take our bodies for granted and to treat the vessel each of us has been given with absolute wisdom. So today my journey continues only I continue with new hope, new peace and a refreshing new outlook.

my heart today
tamara

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4

2010-07-15T07:56:00.000-07:00

My Dad passed away last night, my sister called me and told me, I cried more about the good memories and the life that was then the life that just left. My Dad left many years ago and I mourned then, as a young child I mourned the man I thought was a movie star, the man that I wanted to marry, until Roy Rogers came into my life via T.V. then I told my dad as I sat on his lap, "Daddy" I used to want to marry you, but now I want to marry Roy Rogers, " My Dad got a kick out of that and told me it was ok! My dad was funny and had a an amazing singing voice. We would have family get togethers and their was always a guitar and lots of music. Then at the age of 7, the life I loved and knew chaned in a heart beat, he left the family and found another, thats how I saw it. It was tough sharing him, I personally wanted him to love my sister, brother and me only. Why is it that the first family always gets treated as the second best. Well those feelings don't matter now, he is gone and it is over, his life here is now finished.

I was praying that Daddy would go soon, his wife had put him into the Veterns Hospital and he was mostly alone. Although when the nurses saw that it was getting close to the end, he did have his wife there with him. My sister and brother had been there to see him also and they pampered his withered body as it should of been. They comforted him with sweet calm words and his spirit became peaceful, that was their last picture of their Father. I am so thankful they both were here and got to go, it was a special time for us as a family, my mom was leaving to move to Texas and my Dad was leaving to move to heaven.

I can't wait to see my Mom again, I miss her right now as I realize the reality of death coming to my family. This is really different, I used up all of my emotions towards my Father, I don't know maybe something will trigger it, but for today I believe he is with God and he is experiencing peace.

my heart today
tamara

Routine....the Lord is my portion says my soul!

2010-07-14T08:50:00.000-07:00

It is always good to get back into the routine of daily life, it is always good when you wake up feeling ready to capture every thing the day has to offer. It hasn't always been that way for me, I have had to learn to enjoy the routine part of life, the everyday gifts that come our way.  God has had to teach me to appreciate the seasons of the day to day ritual.   Sometimes it would be hard to watch the world go around, and I seemed to be standing still in my everyday cycle of life. I'm not the only one who has had those feelings, it seems the routine days are the hardest for most.

I am thankful that God has changed me in this area and taught me that is in the everyday part of life that God best fulfills His work in us, it is in these day to day places that our salvation is being the most worked out and made strong.  I use to think, "OK, Lord! What can I do today, but now I think, OK Lord! what are You going to do today!"

It has been the most freeing to know that the only choice I have to make is to love and serve God, to open my heart to Him every morning in prayer, then believe that whatever comes my way is because He is working out His best plan and working in me to help Him.  It has been in this routine place that God has shown me how much I really do try and control, and how much He is asking me to let go of. When we are busy we can't see our areas of control, but when we are still before God and we have no where to go except to Him, it there that He sets us free.

The more I think less of myself, that is when God is using me the most, it is in the obscure moments that people see the power of God and they notice the faith that He revealing in our life.  I remember I had a client who was thinking of coming to our church, he had visited and heard Pastor Roger speak and he liked him, (of course) but anyway he said it was when he had been at a restaurant and heard Pastor Roger talking to his friends and family, listening to him in his everyday life setting and being impressed that he had as much integrity away from the church as he did while in front of hundreds of people, that is what convinced him to want to go back and become part of Valley.

So it is in our routine life that God works the most to create in us the person He can use for eternity, how we respond at work, how we respond on the road, and how we respond in our home. Illness has been so much a part of my routine life, not only Bobby but my daughter has and will continue to have problems, I am learning to let God use it to make me a better servant rather than allowing it to make me a victim, or who I am. I am a child of God, the illness is just a portion that God has given me, God can change that portion in an instant and I believe one day He will, but until that day I wake up ready to face my same circumstances, I hold on the the Lord for His grace and I am continually praying my reactions to be filtered with His constant Spirit

When the Lord does a thing through us He always transfigures it, (Oswald Chambers)and then he so wrote it takes Almighty grace to take the next step when there is not vision and no spectator- the next step is devotion, the next step in your study, the next step in your kitchen; the next step in your duty, in your study, in your reading, when there is no vision from God, no enthusiasm and no spectators . It takes far more grace from God , for conscious drawing from God to take that step than to preach the gospel.

2 Corinthians 6:4

"....amid much patience, in afflictions, in necessities, in distresses"

Prayer

Oh, Father I love you so much, I love that You are here day after day....making Your mercies knew every morning. It is You and You alone that make my day exciting and perfect. I look to You for Your working in me by the power of the Holy Spirit....I am happy to face the life I have been given because I know it has been given to me as a gift. I am ready Lord, here I am....use me!

My heart today

tamara

Tuesday

2010-07-13T08:31:00.000-07:00

Tuesdays are always hard for me, although I feel very blessed to have a wonderful job that I love, it is the first day back from time at home with Bobby. When he isn't feeling well it is very hard to leave him, today thought Emily and David are visiting and that is always a pleasure to have their energy in the house. Bobby must be having side effects from the antibiotics he is taking, that is the very frustrating part of this battle is you fight one thing to have something else to start a war in the body. One of the side effects of Deptomyocin is muscle problems, the muscles start becoming inflamed which is very painful and Bobby has already had to endure so much pain, so this is so frustrating to see him suffer and have to endure more problems. He did go to UCLA yesterday and they took the drainage tube out and the stitches from the surgery site. Dr. Cyran is having blood work done on Bobby today, the home health nurse will be out to do that between 9 & 9:30.

Prayer

Dearest Father

I lift up to You my heart today, and it is for my husband, please continue to watch over him as he fights this infection. Please give him the strength to overcome whatever obstacle gets in his way. I know You are here with us and I know I must deliberately pray to You. Forgive me Father for finding it difficult to know how to pray and what to pray for. But I do know You are here and that You are in control with only good in mind. So many blessings have You given me, I set my thoughts upon You and it isYou, that keeps me from wanting to give up.

Isaiah 54:11

Oh you afflicted one,

Tossed with tempest, and not comforted,

Behold I will lay your stones with colorful gems,

And lay your foundations with sapphires,

I will make our pinnacles of rubies,

Your gates of crystal,

And all your walls of precious stones,

all your children shall be taught by the Lord,

and great shall be the peace of your children.

In righteousness you shall be established;

You shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear;

Prayer

Thank You Father for your word to me today,

It is what sustains me, and lifts me up to high places.

My thoughts today are with those who don't know my powerful God, happiness is not in who you are but in who you know. My purpose is to love an amazing God, and to not let situations control my joy, but to allow each one to make me more dependant on Him. I am thankful for every test that He gives me, and I my desire is to praise Him with every outcome. This is my heart today, just remember as you read my blog that I am very sure of every work that is taking place and that every challenge is orchestrated by an amazing God. This is for good, not evil, His thoughts are not our thoughts, His ways are not our ways, says the Lord! Isaiah 55:8

Pray today, stay focused on God today, and Love those who God sets before you.

my heart today

tamara

Sunday

2010-07-11T07:44:00.000-07:00

There has been alot of hard things going on lately, many emotions I am having to deal with. Tomorrow my Mom leaves to go live with my Sister in Texas, my dad is dying from cancer and unfortunately it is at the point where he only has weeks to live. My son Chad needs tough love and it is alot tougher on the ones giving tough love in my opinion. My daughter is pregnant which we are so excited for but she also has many health issues that go along with the pregnancy that make her high risk. Then there is Bobby, who is not doing as well as expected, yet we are holding out hope that tomorrow when he goes down to get the drainage tube and the stitches out, he will be on a better road to recovery.

Prayer

Dearest Father,

I come before You knowing You are in control, yet my heart is wiped out with much grief, people leaving me. I realize death is part of this world yet for me I have not had to experience it on a personal level.

Isaiah 53:4

Surely He has borne our griefs

And carried our sorrows;

Thank You, Jesus for knowing grief and knowing sorrow, as well as the joy that also comes to us daily, Thank You for showing us in your word that the servant who follows Christ has times of brokenheartedness and that You know our pain personally.

Isaiah 53:3

He is despised and rejected by men,

A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.

It is comforting to know that I serve a God who has experienced the grief of not only affliction but also rejection. Thank You Lord for giving us Your word that expressing not just the joys of this world but also shows us how to overcome the hurt of this world.

As I deal with the disappointment of my Mom not being able to live with us, I also know that it is the end of the way things have been with her here with me. I always have done her hair, she has always been at my church sitting in the same pew for up teen years, she has been the one whom I have gone to when Bobby and I were arguing cause she love Bobby as her own, always taking his side. She was always here at Thanksgiving helping me with the dressing, she has been not only my mom but my friend and the one who I ran to when I wanted a place to lay my head and feel the comfort that only a loving parent can give. My mom won't be back here to live, this time of her life is over and she will stay in Texas until she passes. My dad he is also leaving, but his parting is bringing a different emotion than my mom. He has been away from us for 30 years, and the consequences of divorce have given him and this side of his family a whole different view. I believe after talking to my Sis that Daddy is saved, and I am looking forward to having a relationship in eternity with him that was absent here on earth. this morning I stand on the hope of eternity, my heart is moved more than ever to express the gospel to those who have no hope. I know that this life here was meant to end, it is sad though to see others live as if this life is it.

God has given me a heart to know Him and I am so thankful for that, today as I say my good-byes to my Mom here in Bakersfield, I know it is not forever, and I know that my sorrow is not forever.

my heart today

Tamara

"Getting Green"

2010-07-03T07:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday at the new Salon, I decided to walk next door the the Greenshop, it is a holistic approach to everyday living. As I talked to the owner, the concept of the store, "all natural" brought to my mind the days that my generation remembers as the "hippie day's", without the LSD course. Today's young enthusiast call it "green living" or "Eco living" which either way is a new title but same approach to a more pure type of living, ingredients that are not harmful to us or to the environment. I am very interested in this concept of green living, I have always liked the idea of healthy living and the purer the better. The owner of the greenshop also is a very nice young entrepreneur, and that is something that is very near to my heart, I love seeing people of any age become business owners, my husband is an entrepreneur and I appreciate the tenacity it takes to stand behind your product and promote it.

Anyway "greenshops.com is a website that can give you all the details of the store, there is everything from flooring to baby toys, to household products. It would be a challenge to actually get green in your home but it would be something that I would encourage all people to try and do. As a young wife and mother I always used bleach to clean my showers, I remember running outside to try and breath, inhaling and exhaling to get rid of the nasty poison in my lungs. They say it can take up to 30 years for the damage to take place. I want my daughter and daughter - in- laws to inquire about the good news of going green. The greenshops.com also has a blog called the green daily grind, that is very encouraging and motivating to start living in the natural.

enjoy,

I am excited to try the facial products, I have been looking for a miracle for my wrinkles......hahahaha! Can't help a girl for trying!

my heart today
tamara

Proverbs 18:1-A man who Isolate himself, seeks his own desire.

2010-07-02T07:50:00.000-07:00

As I was sitting in the hospital room reading my Bible, I came across this scripture, it is funny how God can bring a scripture to my attention, and it fits perfect for the situation. For many years I have isolated myself, thinking I should not bother others with my burden. I would become so self-conscience of the series of events that would happen to Bobby and I that I felt people would get tired of being around us because there was so much pain and illness involved in our life. Isolation did not feel right to me, but I did not know how to just be free in such a varnable place, I would wear a wall of strength and take pride in it. I was afraid to open up our life to other relationships and allow God to work, I felt I was always trying to protect myself from being rejected.

This time has been different, God in his perfect wisdom an perfect timing began forming strong new relationships from within our church. Bobby and I had started attending a Sunday School Class months before he started getting ill this time. The illness just made Bobby become even more dependant on Christ and on the army of believers that were being put around us as a hedge of support. I am so careful to not become a victim or to allow illness to identify us, that I estrange people rather than allow them to be comfort and blessings.

"Will the Real Tamara please stand up"!!! For so long I have grabbed at all these other identity's thinking they are better than the one God created me to be. I want to let go and let God, this is just one more thing that God is doing in me. At 52, I would think that this would not be an issue, but it goes to show that a messed up sinner takes a life time to straighten out. I am just thankful for Gods word and how He continues to use it to speak to my heart and help me to be comfortable in my own skin. I don't want to be afraid of being me anymore or be self-conscience of living the life that God has so perfectly orchestrated for us.

So today I am looking to Christ to help me become comfortable with Tamara, the Tamara that at times is emotional, the Tamara that puts her foot in her mouth, the Tamara who is passionate about God's word and His Son Jesus. The Tamara who likes to talk, the Tamara who can be opinionated and outspoken, the Tamara who loves, the Tamara who is not Johnny on the spot at returning favors, OK that is enough, you got the point. I am excited to allow God to use this time to grow our social life, to open our hearts to friends and let people in to share the life Christ has given us. A new season of learning to live with eternity in our hearts while here on earth. Heaven is all about relationships, so learning to do it right while here is God's plan.

My heart today.
tamara

My Army of Brothers and Sisters

2010-06-30T08:01:00.000-07:00

Bobby and I got home Monday night from UCLA, and Bobby is doing well, he has a hard road ahead but I know he can do it with the help of our most amazing God. You know, it is the most wonderful experience to go through hard places and to be surrounded by the army of Christ. That is what Christ did for us while at UCLA. From the time we found out that Bobby was going to have to have this surgery, God placed each qualified soldier into their perfect place, equipping each one to share their special gifts and talents with a fallen soldier. Bobby has seen Gods mercy and compassion throughout this whole process. It started with Kelly and Curt, sending us off with prayer, care baskets full of snacks, books and puzzles, to Jack and Leann Leanord opening their home to me and furnishing comfort for a weary soul, to nurses who were extra compassionate to my "Hero Hubby" ! And then all the prayers that I knew were being offered up continually from old friends, new friends, and far friends, and forever friends, we both felt protected with the covering of faithful prayers. Before I left I prayed and asked God to use me as a light to anyone who needed to see Jesus, but after a few days I didn't feel I was given any special opportunity to talk about my Savior. I was thinking, OK, Lord! Where are the divine appointments, You can bring them anytime"? But He reminded me, I was the one to receive the light, it was our turn to receive the divine appointments from our faithful God, and I was to rest and allow others He had placed in my path help me. I always wanted to do everything on my own, but I have missed so many blessings by taking pride in my own strength. How wrong of me, to not allow Christ and His army to come along side with me and help Bobby and I fight this battle. I have learned so much during this experience about the family of Christ, how far it stretches and how mighty it is.

Please continue to pray as I have to take care of my husband at home, with daily I.V.s and shots, and making sure he is nutritionally strong for this fight. I love my family of believers and I love my God, who has blessed us beyond measure. Praising God for all of you.......take this day and make the most of it, share the love of Christ to everyone who will listen. Go out into the world and share the Good News, that is the most important task there is.

My heart today!
tamara

Gods Will

2010-06-21T08:13:00.000-07:00

Romans 12:1-2

I beseech you therefore, brethern, by the mercies of God, that you pesent your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not conformed to his world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

I have been studying about the will of God lately, almost a year now I have been searching scripture and praying for wisdom inregards to what is His perfect will. I have always said that I have wanted Gods will, but in reality I did not pray that way or live totally in the way that would show God that I really wanted His will. Wanting God's will is whatever would be best for Him and for His kingdom, but it is easy to say that, but when it comes to demonstrating that kind of faith is a whole different story. It has taken me along time to learn that this life is not about me, even when I think I have the "me" thing under control, I find more space in my heart that is being occupied with who else, but, "little ole' me " instead of Him. I know God could renew my mind overnight but he has chosen the long road of transformatin in my life, and I have accepted that. I am just so blessed that He keeps me, on the role sheet! As many times as I mess up, and as many times I have ditched class, He keeps calling my name. So with all that, today, I pray with a new heart one that desires to see souls saved, the bottom line is that I pray that God uses my life to bring glory to Him and to bring others to see Him. I want to be all about Him, I want to care about the things He cares about and I want to love others the way He loves others, I want to have eternity on my heart and hope for the things that will bring salvation to a soul. I want to live not thinking about why, but accepting the outcome with praise and thanksgiving. I have prayed for months about this surgery, and so has my husband. We both have peace in regards to the outcome. I have thought of every scenerio that could happen, and each one I have placed at the Throne of Grace, and have been given peace. We are never completley prepared I'm sure, but I have confidence that in who I am in Christ and the fact that God is with me and with my husband. He is with the Doctors, and the Nurses, He is with all the staff that will be involved in this surgery. I have prayed for and will continue to pray that God's will be done.....no other thoughts but that. It is up to Him, and we have peace. And may we both continue to sacrifice our lives to Him, for eternity.

my heart today

tamara

2010-06-15T07:06:00.000-07:00

Psalms 32
But as for me , I trust in You , O Lord
I say, "You are my God."
My times are in Your hand,

Bobby goes in for surgery a week from today, the pain in his pelvis has been getting worse, so I know it is time to get this over with. I am concerned for him, because his body has been through so much and I don't know how much more it can take. Even though I trust in the Lord, it is a process that requires faithful work of giving my concerns over to Him throughout the day. Mom moved in this weekend which was a good distraction and was good for my heart. We had a good time fixing up her room, we have talked more in the last few days than we have in along time. In her silence I can see her thoughts racing around in her mind, I am concerned about her feelings in regards to having to let go of so much, but she knows her mind is leaving her and that she needs help with her life. I am very blessed that Bobby welcomes her to our home, I have seen by discussing this decision with friends and clients most don't want the responsibility of being a caregiver. But I know in my heart this is what I have been called to be, and I am privileged to have been given the courage to take on this task.

Psalms 32
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen Your heart,
All you who hope in the Lord.

God has fashioned our heart to find peace in doing what is best for the other person, the bible speaks about "loving our neighbor", "laying down our life for a friend," my daughter and I were discussing this very truth this weekend and she gave her thoughts on this subject, we have been given a heart to serve and influence others to love Jesus, and when we aren't doing that we have a void in our lives. We often think this void should be filled with ministries of greater value. For some reason we always put greater value on the bigger things in life, but that is not the way of our Lord,

Matthew 20:26
and whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. and whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave.....just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.

God wants us to bring souls to Christ, to serve others with His love, show patience when patience is tested, show grace when fairness is not in the equation. Where ever you are at in this life, God has put you there. He is waiting to use you for His will with the life He has given you, He doesn't want you to go looking for a life to live that is different than the one you have.

Psalms 33
The Lord looks from heaven,
He sees all the sons of men,
From the place of dwelling He looks
On all the inhabitants of earth;
He fashions their hearts individually;
He considers all their works.

I am in the most peaceful place in my life than I have ever been, yet it is the most hectic. I know my peace comes from wanting Gods will and being contented with the life I have been given, and making the most of every detail as an opportunity to serve Him, by serving others with His love and influencing others to know a powerful God. The people who are in my life day to day, my family, my friends, my clients, they were put in my life by God, and it is my responsibility of how I work out my salvation before them. How I serve each life as a divine appointment, serving them with Him always in my heart. Knowing that each response is showing who He is in us.

Psalms 33
For praise from the upright is beautiful,
Sing to Him a new song.

Each day that God gives us is an opportunity to sing a new song for Him, to be thankful for where we are and to know that as a believer, if we live with a worlds eye view we will never be contented with the life God has given us, only with eternal perspective will we be able to find comfort and peace in the life we have been given.

Bobby and I have had 6 weeks to prepare for this surgery, we have discussed many things about our life, but the one thing that stands out to me is finding peace with God. That has been the most important for both of us. Finding peace from knowing Him more and loving Him more and wanting others to know Him that way too.

my heart today
tamara

Saying Goodbye

2010-06-11T07:04:00.000-07:00

Saying goodbye is never easy, especially when good relationships are involved! As Christians life is about change and it is our response to the changes that are important. I work at a very nice Salon, owned and operated by a Christ believing women, the girls in the Salon are very wonderful and I have taken an interest in each ones life. I feel a connection with everyone of them, something I give God the glory for, it is Him in me that I contribute their attraction.
A year ago I was feeling the desire to move, there were issues in the management of the Salon that bothered me, yet I was hopeful that the issues would be resolved, and my complaints would be no more and I would not have to make this harddecision. One of the girls that I used to work with had moved to a Salon called Xscape, it happened to be 1 mile from my home and was located on my daily running route. For a year as I would run pass the Salon I would ask God to work out the details and make the move happen if it was His leading, the rent was cheaper and the Salon did not seem to have the same issues that were bothering me at Teaze. When the problems did not go away and the issues did not get fixed, rather than complain about them, I knew I needed to seek out more diligently the other Salon.

1Corinthians 10:31

Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

I continued to pray and asked God to give me a clear answer and He did by giving my friend and fellow co-worker the same heart and she too decided it was time to leave. She is a manicurist and she does many of my clients nails, so when she said she had already signed the papers I decided,there was my clear answer. I have not looked back, I am confident that is is God leading me every step of the way. When I went into Xscape, the new salon to sign the papers, I found out the Owner was offering 4 weeks of free rent, which was to my surprise, yet such a treasure of God's goodness to me, with Bobby's upcoming surgery I can use the extra money. God has prepared the way and I am so peaceful knowing that I made this decision with much prayer and completely dependant on Him to open the door wide for me to walk in......and He did it. I know God doesn't always work this way, sometimes we have to make a decision without knowing for sure. But today God has given me confidence and I am so thankful that He has.

Prayer

Dearest Father

Thank You for giving me confidence in You, and for allowing me to make this decision with peace in my heart and mind. I pray for everyone at the new and the old Salon. I pray that I leave the "old" with You planted alittle more in their hearts, and that I enter the "new" with You guiding my every word, and that You may be seen in me as a light of hope. It is for You I live each day and for You I give all glory for ever.

amen

Well, here it goes a new path to walk down, as long as I have Christ I can walk through anything!

my heart today

tamara

My Walk at Work

2010-05-27T07:50:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a good day, yet it was emotionally exhausting! I had the privilege of working on two of the most beautiful people yesterday in my chair, their faith penetrated my soul. What a gift they have become in my life, not just as clients but friends who share an amazing love for God. Diane was first to sit in my chair, she was my first client of the day. Bob her husband was my last client of the day, and together they inspired me and allowed me the privilege to go to the Father and lift them up in prayer. Their son Patrick, would of been walking to receive his diploma tonight, yet Bob, Patricks Father will be the one clutching it instead. Patrick died while at football practice, and the heartache of his two parents continue, the grief is still so raw as they are reminded of this special day for their son that will not be for him. Bob who is strong and yet is broken by the loss, upholds his sons legacy by giving scholarships in Patricks name, in the midst of grief, God gives them grace to serve others. They would rather have their son, yet together they hold strong knowing that they will see him again. I told them I would be praying for them, and I have, but I ask that each of you, please find time to lift up a prayer for them, tonight is going to be very emotional, very exhausting, but very rewarding. I pray for peace for Diane, and I pray for strength for Bob, and that God receive the glory.

Isaiah 53:4

Surely he has borne our griefs

And carried our sorrows;

I pray that God will carry their sorrows tonight and take their grief and hand them in return Peace that passth all understanding. To my sweet clients who have become amazing friends, I thank them for the privilege to be a part of their lives.

my heart today

Walking With My Mom Through Demtentia

2010-05-26T07:44:00.000-07:00

Today at work I talked alot about my Mom, and how I am in the process of moving her into my house with us. The other day I asked her why she thought she was moving in with me, and she thinks she is moving in to help me with Bobby.....that is good! I want her to think she is doing it for me rather than because she is experiencing beginning dementia. When she got back form Teresa's, as soon as she walked into her house she said to me, "Tamara" I think I'm losing my mind", and she started to cry, I walked over to her and I sat in front of her and I said, " No, Mom you have dementia, but we can get through this together, we will laugh alot at all the funny things you say"..... she liked that and got a big smile and said "Ok"! So as each day follows another I am watching my Mom forget many things and do many things she normally wouldn't do. I look forward to having her live with me, it will take the worry away in regards to her being alone. I always call in the morning and in the evening to check on her and make sure she has eaten, she can't cook anymore on the stove, and sometimes she forgets how to use the microwave, so I called to see if she was all locked up and ready for bed. She had been next door visiting her neighbor, and had just gotten home, she was jabbering up a storm, she told me she loves to talk, LOL..... I told her that was ok with me. After we had talked awhile I said, "Well!, You can go and get ready for bed now"! and she said, "I AM ready for bed, then she paused and as if she had looked down at at herself and realized she wasnt, she said, "Oh I'm not ready for bed".....then she laughed liked a child and came back with..."Well, at least I'm lots of fun"! and I agreed, she is much fun. As we laugh together, at the many funny things she says I am reminded of my Grandpa Shorty, my Mom inherited his sense of humor. At age 13 I helped take care of him during his dementia, Mother reminds me so much of him, she has the same look in her eyes that he had, and the same funny remarks that he would make about himself. She deserves every bit of the attention I am wanting to give her, she sacrificed so much for us kids, that now it is time to give back to her. I am thankful she recognizes me, at times she does not know who my sister is, especially when she gets tired, she will say, " Ive been trying to figure out who that lady is"? I feel bad for my sister but she too has chosen to accept this time and to find good in each moment we have left with our dear Mom. It must be hard to see yourself changing and not quite understand whats going on. She realizes she is changing and she realizes things aren't just right, but she knows for sure that she is loved and that she will be taken care of. She has a Doctors app. coming up soon, we will see what he has to say about her process, some has said there is medication to slow things down, we will see, until then one day at a time.

Prayer

Dear Lord,

Thank You for my Mom, and how wonderfully she has been there for all of us for so many years. I am so thankful to be able to help her through this time. Please give me the wisdom and patience to be a good caregiver and daughter to her. I am dependant upon You, for my strength and for my Moms strength.

Scripture

The Lord is my light and my salvation;

Whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the strength of my life;

Of whom shall I be afraid?

Psalms 27:1

Amen

my heart today

John 1:1-5

2010-05-25T08:02:00.000-07:00

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through Him, and with out Him nothing was made that was made. In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it. There was a man sent from God, whose name was John, this man came for a witness, to bear witness of the Light, that all through him might believe. He was not that Light, but was sent to bear witness of that Light. That was the true Light which gives light to every man coming into the world.

Prayer

Dear Lord,

Thank You this morning for Your Word to me, and thank You for the way You intend to use it. It is not up to me to know how You do use it, but this morning I pray it. Thank You for Your light today, as You send me out into this world, and the Light is Jesus. Where I go there is darkness, so I depend on Your
Word to light my way. There is so many things ahead of me, yet I am burdened for the darkness that some are in. I have You and I know You are with me, but there are those Lord who don't know You, who are trying to find their way alone. I pray for them, that You Father will give them the Light that they need, to see clearly and believe. It is Your desire that every man sees and believes in Jesus. Each person that sits in my chair will see the Light, because You are in me. I pray that You use me and give me courage to allow the Holy Spirit to penetrate the darkness.

I have many requests, and I pray Your will for each one, that in each request, Your will be done for eternity.

Come into my home and be the light to everyone that comes here, fight the fight that is among us and help me to depend on You for victory.

In Christ Name, Jesus

amen

my heart today

2010-05-21T08:28:00.000-07:00

The last couple of days I have felt that a light has been turned on in my soul, and it is my prayer that the light just keeps getting brighter and brighter. It is a wonderful thing to know that you are walking in the will of your Father, knowing that all that matters is to please Him. To have a peculiar passion, and to know without a doubt that this desire can only come from God Himself. This world does not offer anything like what God has given me, there is no pleasure found here on earth like the pleasure of being a servant of God.
The reality is I have been outside the light, God himself took me out, and for three years I paid for the consequence of one slip, my conscience felt the wrong and my spirit felt the seperation, I felt His presence change, not His grace, but only the fellowship that brought light, had grown dim, and my sin needed to be dealt with. I walked with my Father, knowing each day I was in the wilderness, it was time spent learning from my mistakes and when He turned my failures into flowers. God did not do this overnight, He had to teach a stubborn child things that could only be taught by a loving Fathers hand over time, it has taken three years of being bound in truth, three years of trusting dark places, three years of being committed to Him, wondering if I would ever get back to where I was. There are truths that God can only teach a person in the dark places, it very seldom that we learn when the light is bright. Of course I would choose easier times rather than harder, but for now I am thankful I have been put through the fire, because it has been there that I have found a new passion for my Lord, it is there that I have been shown sins of thought, inward things that needed change that would never of been seen unless I spent time in brokenness.

Micah 6:8

He has shown you, O man, what is good;

And what does the Lord require of you.

but to do justly,

To love mercy,

And to walk humbly with your God.

I have put this scripture on my station at work, in fact I actually have wrote down many scriptures, to look at throughout the day. I reach for them for comfort and strength, knowing it is the word that will release doubt and it is the word that will give me strength to fight the enemy that attacks without warning and trys to lead me into fear and discouragement. When I was visiting my daughter a few weeks ago, she had scripture written on white index cards and they were pasted all around her house, I was so pleased to see her being dependant upon the word of God. When I came home from a wonderful visit, back to the reality of cares and burdens, I kept thinking about her house bound with scripture. My house has alot of distractions, but it is not good to have an attitude of despair, rather I want to choose an attitude of many possiblities for God to show His glory, to allow God the opportunity to use every detail of my life as a testimony of who He is. So when the light grows dim and I sense the darker days, I will walk through them knowing God will restore the light, and it will be better and brighter than before.

Isaiah 35:1

The wilderness and the wasteland shall be glad for them,

and the desert shall rejoice and blossom as the rose;

It shall blossom abundantly and rejoce,

Even with joy and singing.

For the waters shall burst forth in the wilderness,

And the streams in the desert.

This time has been hard physically and emotionally for both Bobby and I, but so many people deal with hard things, and I know that God uses hard times to transform us. It is how a person chooses to respond to the harder times in life that will determine ones joy and contentment with each step. I am not content with the things of this world, I do not experience a joy that last with worldly pleasures, not that I don't enjoy going shopping and finding new things for my home and myself, those thing are part of being human and are gifts that God loves to give to us. But for lasting joy and lasting contentment it must come from the pleasures of serving God and knowing we are in His will. I can't wait to see where God's light leads me, He prepares us for the journey and He equips us for the task. I love being in the brightness of His presence, and I pray His light will continue to shine in both Bobby and I as we continue to walk towards Him.

my heart today

tamara

2010-05-17T18:23:00.000-07:00

Job 2:1

Again there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan came also among them to present himself before the Lord. And the Lord said to Satan, "From where do you come?"

Satan answered the Lord and said, "From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking back and forth on it. " then the Lord said to Satan, " Have you considered My servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, one who fears God and shuns evil? And still he holds fast to his integrity, although you incited me against him, to destroy him without cause."

So Satan answered the Lord and said, "skin for skin!. Yes, all that a man has he wil give for his life. But stretch our Your hand now, and touch his bone and his flesh, and he will surely curse You to Your face!"

And the Lord said to Satan, Behold, he is in your hand, bit spare his life."

So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord, and struck Job with painful boils from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head. And he took for himself a potsherd (which is a piece of broken pottery) with which to scrap himself while he sat in th midst of the ashes.

Then his wife said to him, do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die!"

But he said to her, " You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity? In all this Job did not sin with his lips.

Bobby and I just returned from our long awaited and much prayed over visit to UCLA, first of all before anything else is said, I want to thank my God who is good, and Who's goodness has exceeded all our prayers. Not that Bobby has been instantly healed or that the disease has been taken away, no, it is more about the spiritual transformation that is taking place, than it is about physical transformation. It is about a trust that can only come from hearing nothing for a long time, but staying fervently in His presence. Bobby will be having surgery, sometime around June, probably towards the end. We are pleased with the Doctor and we are confident that our prayers were answered by a clear diagnoses. Bobby has Osteomyleities of the pelvis bone, they need to clean the bone out and then start again with intravanous antibiotics. My husband is an amazing man and an amazing husband I continue to pray that God will give Bobby strength phyiscally to endure the course ahead.

But most important I pray that the Lord will make this time of suffering a time that both Bobby and I can get through with integrity as Job did. That we can accept the adversity, as a opportunity to represent Christ rather than let this time be about us. God has called my wonderful husband to endure alot, but the good that has come from this place is Gods graciousness to teach me about true love, and has transformed my husband from a independantly stong man to a wonderfully made strong man who is dependant on a great Great God, I am privilaged to see this all take place before my eyes, what a blessing.

Philippians 3:20-21

For our citizenship is in heaven, form which we also eagerly wait for the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body that it may be conformed to His glorious body, according to the working by which He is able even to subdue all things to Himself.

Watching Bobby suffer is hard, yet I know what is going on and I trust God because I trust His word and I know His word to be true. I don't won't to waste this precious life that has been given to my husband and I. When Bobby and I pray together, he thanks God for what He has done for the two of us, how He has transformed our lives from being unequally yoked to becoming yoked together by the transforming love of Christ.

Scripture

1 Corinthians 13:4

Love suffers long, and is kind, love does not envy, love does not parade itself, is not puffed up, does not behaves rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

As I read this scripture I realize that God has beautifully used Bobby to show me an example of true bibical love, and Im not saying our marriage has been perfect, what I am saying is Bobby has always loved me unconditionally and what a gift, because I have not always loved him that way in return. Yet, he continued to be patient and through it all taught me how it felt to be loved in this way. I know that through all his illnesses God has taught Bobby how to love Him. Today, after thirthy years I appreciate the reward from persevering and from seeing God transform us into true soulmates.

1 Peter 4:12

Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happenened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ's sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy.

Im not saying I am smiling at the picture of surgery, yet I am praying for God's strength and supernatural power to get Bobby through this. And whatever God allows for His glory that we both fight the fight together with God, and His word, and that those who are watching might see Christ and want to walk in His grace for eternity. There will be family who don't agree with truth, and suffering, who find it hard to understand. So I ask that you please pray for those who will be watching, and for those who don't know Christ as their Savior and as the One Mighty to save.

my heart today.

tamara

2010-05-13T08:54:00.000-07:00

Idon't have alot of time to blog this morning, this thought came to me and I needed to share, please be forgiving if my writing, Im in a hurry. I was reading a gossip magizine in the Salon yesterday, and it was a article about Melanie Griffith and her Husband, omg....I can't think of his name, Banderas, " Well, you know who" anyways, he made a comment in the artlicle about his 15 years of marriage to Melanie that really stuck in my head and yes, I do read gossip magizines, but only in the salon, anyway, he said, "There is something about 15 years of marriage that only time can give". He went on to say that people keep wanting to feel the passion of the first years, but if they only hung in there, there are feelings about each other that can only be acheived over time. Maybe not word for word but that is most of his wording. He is so right, "Time", has made my commitment to stay married what it is today, our challenges, our hurts, our struggles, they are ours and our alone, they are personal and intimate, no one else has battled with us. We have made it this far by God's grace together, as two Marines helping each other in the battlefield, never leave a good Marine behind, well at times this is how I feel this wonderful thing called marriage is a battlefield and we stay and we work together, and we maunuver through with only time on our side, and God. but it is the victory of persevering together that make 30 years victorious. Bobby goes to UCLA this Monday, he is not doing good right now and we both have said that this is the most precious time of our marriage, maybe the hardest but it is the best.

my heart today.

2010-05-10T11:55:00.000-07:00

Next week my mother is coming back from Texas, and we have decided that it is time that she no longer lives alone. My sister last year moved to Texas to live by her son Brent, she had been living in the same mobile home park as my mom. It was very convenient having Teresa live there, I knew my mom was well watched over. But what I have learned about this life is that change is always around the corner. So when Teresa and Rick were getting itchy to move, I knew it was going to probably be to Texas. It was hard at first to think about her not being here with my mom and I but at the same time I did not want to make her feel that she had to stay or that I was not happy for her and Rick. I have felt alot of different emotions in regards to her move, but I work through the negative ones with God and try to stay focused on what God can do for the positive. The first positive was that I knew I was going to have to be more involved with my Mothers care, instead of depending on Teresa to be right there for her, I was going to have to have my mind thoughtful of her and make sure she was taking care of herself. This in itslef has been a blessing and has given both my Mom and I opportunities to be together that I would of passed to my sister. This last year Mom has had some forgetfulness and sometimes she says some pretty funny things, although we are amused at her humorful dementia it is also cause to worry about her living alone and doing something that might put her life in danger. So this trip to Texas was the turning point for her living situation, she is going to move in with Bobby, Me and Chad. I have not for once felt a burden from this decision, I am honored to be able to have my mom here with me. I must admit I have no idea how it is going to be having so many people in my small home and I realize there will be challenges. But I am prepared and excited to face the life ahead that God has called for me live.

Philippians 4:19

And my God shall supply all your(my) need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus

When I called my mom to wish her a Happy Mothers Day, she said" Do you have my room ready," I was a somewhat concerned she wasn't ready to move over, but by the sound of it she is. And so am I............to be continued!!!!!!

2010-05-10T06:44:00.000-07:00

Prayer

Dearest Father

I come before with nothing to give, I have nothing, even my spirit feel empty. Yet, I come, because I know my Lord that is what You desire of me.

Thank You Father for putting a longing to come before You and to give to You my prayers. It has been a weekened full of many thoughts about life. I know that I sometimes I over think things and that I need to rest in the comfort of Your word. I look at this world and I see souls that are so lost and in need of knowing what the truth is. Oh Father, I have not done enough, forgive me my Lord for allowing souls to slip past, those divine moments that I felt the Spirit prompting me to say more. Give me not only the desire but the passion to share the gospel, give me the wisdom to search for You and to know you more, that I might have the courage to allow You to change me.

Scripture

John 17:17

Sanctify them by Your truth, Your word is truth,. As You sent Me into the world, I also have sent them into the world. And for their sakes I sanctify Myself, that they also may be sanctified by the truth. I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in Me throught their word.

Prayer

Dear Lord,

As I go out into the world today, or Father even here in the presence of my son who has no

desire to seek You, or to call out to You. Let me have truth as my sword and let the Spirit speak

through me. I know Lord that without the Spirit, words are just words, that it is only by the power

of your Spirit that the words become truth and wisdom to those who

are in the world.

my heart today

tamara

2010-05-08T18:01:00.000-07:00

Davids Graduation from California Baptist University

Very proud of my Son-in-Law!

"Doodle"

2010-05-08T08:17:00.000-07:00

Bobby and I are going to take a drive and see the mountains, on the way home we are going to stop and see my Dad who is dying of lung cancer. "Doodle" was the name he gave me when I was his little baby girl and I would sit on his lap and he would sing to me. But that ended with a divorce, it is a sad story, as all divorces are. My Dad, he left my mom when I was about 7 for a women who was 20 years younger. There is much in between that I don't need to go into, but today is a day of forgiviness, not for my Father, but rather for the women who I felt took my Dad from us 40 years ago. I didn't realize that I was holding unrepentive feelings towards my Dads wife until I was told my Dad was dying. Of course I wanted to be with him, but I had pride that I needed to release along with forgiveness.

Ecclesiastes 7:8

the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit,

God began working on my heart and I knew I needed to ask God and my Dads wife to forgive me. So I did and it has been good, I always said my Dad's death wouldn't effect me because in my heart he had already died, but that isn't true, I am sad, and there are many feelings that i am experiencing now and more I am sure will follow the day he goes. Today I do know that I have to make every effort to reconcile my relationship with his wife and my half sister and brother. I have never felt a bond with them, but it is funny how death has a way changing the way a person feels about life.

Ecclesiastes 7:8

The end of a thing is better than its beginning,

Sorrow is better than laughter,

For by a sad countenance the heart is made better.

the heart of the wise is in the house of mourning.

Prayer

Dear Lord, today I go to see my Father who is going to be with You soon, I am confident that his spirit has reconciled with You. But Lord I am not sure of his wife and the sister and brother that are left here, It is my prayer, Father that I won't just walk away when my Dad passes. I pray that I might allow You to bring them into my life and show them Christ and His love and forgiveness. Lord I need Your power and strength to be a sister to them, I know I have not been the kind of influence I should of in the past. But today! is a new day! and new mercies, though I am sad Lord, I am thankful You have given me and opportunity start fresh with my other family.

my heart today!

tamara

Road to Realness

2010-05-03T08:58:00.000-07:00

I have been having this conversation with God lately and now I must start writing about it, it is my way of expressing His life in me. At times I don't like what I have to say and I have to admit it isn't easy opening my heart up for others to see. Yet, I have a strong desire to share my thoughts about life, and about being the woman God created me to be, not as a person who knows it all or has all the answers, but one who struggles so much just trying find what it means to be real. With technology the way it is we have access to the lives of others, right in our face 24/7 and we hear comments about the life they are leading and the kind of people they admire. We put ourselves out there as a light in cyberspace but are we living that way in the darkness of our homes, behind the curtains and in the quietness of our own selves. I guess what got me started on this "Road to Realness" as I call it, was I saw a comment from a friend, saying, and I will quote "I just love her, she is so real", not that I have a need to be admired, no way! but I do want to be real. Being the struggling 52 year old women I am, I thought , " Lord am I real, do people see me as "real" and more importantly do You Lord, see me as "Real". Well, this is how my journey began, and to be honest, I have strayed from the Realness Road. As a believer I know that being real is not being perfect, and being real is not having it all together. So what is real, Well.... I am learning this as I write, it is my desire to be real and it is my heart to live my life in Christ wherever I am. I hope that what people see is what I live when they don't see me, and I pray that I live my life in the concealed places as I would in the places of the world. That I not only let my light shine, but I also confess the dark places that I find myself struggling in. And that it is because of Jesus that I can find confidence to live this life, it is not because I know how to be real, but because Jesus is real in me.

Colossians 3:14-

but above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. and let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

Prayer

Dear Lord,

You have shown me that I see Jesus out of the corner of my eye, rather than full view as I should. I have put myself in the place of Christ so many times and I am grieved in my heart. Please continue to work in me that Jesus will be all I see, and tamara will fade from the view. It is hard Lord to admit that I have not always been real and that I struggle with my identity at times. But Lord! I am a work in progress and I pray today that, not illness, not ministry, not the way I look or the way I write, or where I go to church, will identify me, but only the realness of Jesus and who He is in me. Make Christ real in me. Only then can I walk the "Road to Realness"

amen

my heart today

tamara

What's a Girl To Do

2010-04-19T06:55:00.000-07:00

This morning as I was reading my devotion, I was reminded of my prayer yesterday, I had asked God what He wanted me to do now? What Lord! What now? And of course I did not get an immediate answer, but this morning He spoke through my devotional, "Streams in the Desert". My heart jumped at the words, and I knew that was my answer, "cheerful courage" a reflection of joy, a stance of courage! Ignore the whispers of retreat, find strength in what you have been through and joy in what you hope for.......stand still, wait for the Lord, yet stand in cheerful courage.

~Prayer~

Thank You, Lord for always giving me Your word and for answering my prayer, giving the spiritual strength I need to wait upon You. What a great day yesterday You gave to me. What a blessing to my heart to be in church with my brethern worshipping You, and finding peaceful faith from HEARING! My prayer is for all the girls that don't know what they are going to do, Oh Lord give them strenght to wait, to be still with cheerful courage. That's what a girl should do!!

my heart today,

tamara

Spring Cleaning

2010-04-18T20:25:00.000-07:00

When I was a small child, I remember hearing ladies in my mothers Salon, talking about spring cleaning. They would say, " Well it's time for spring cleaning"! I had to ask my mom what the difference was between winter cleaning and spring cleaning, and she said, " Spring cleaning is deep cleaning! It has stuck with me all these years, and today as I was out for a run, I got a whiff of blossoms....I was reminded of spring..... then spring cleaning, then one thought led to another and before you knew it I was running on a tangent of spring theology. I can't help it every thought I think of turns back to God, it is just the way He made me, so here I was dicussing with myself the way spring cleaning could pertain to my heart, and how I have been doing some spring cleaning the last few weeks, the deep cleaning. I think we all need to do some "deep cleaning" of the heart, we all need to look at our lives and see if we are living according to the life God has called us to live. We all have alittle dust here and there, but if we aren't careful that dust will become so thick we can't see God in our life. Being human is such a dirty job, but God loves taking our messes and helping us keep the dust from getting to thick. He does not want anything to get in our way of seeing Him clearly, so we can live a life of great promise.

2 Corinthians 7:1

Therefore, having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.

So when you get a whiff of the blossoms think about "Spring Cleaning" !!!!!

Love Ya

my heart today,

tamara

2010-04-17T07:26:00.000-07:00

Dearest Father,

My prayer today is that I would acknowledge You in all I do, that my heart would be open to give You praise for every disappointment, because with each disappointment, there is 1,ooo reasons to be thankful. Help me to stay focused on my goal, and to realize more than ever You have my back. No where else can I find peace, but before Your throne. Hep me to understand Your word, as I study and seek Your will, as I wait quietly for You and as I my hope is the rope that keeps me from falling away. I pray for Your covenant of Peace over me today.

~Scripture~

Isaiah 54:10

For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed,

But My kindness shall not depart from you,

Nor shall My covenat of Peace be removed,

Says, the Lord, who has mercy on you.

~Prayer~

Lord, I love Your mercy and I believe in Your covenant, I know that what You say is true, Your word is my lamp each day.

Today at the Salon we are having a fundraiser, for Relay for Life, it is to help raise money to go towards Cancer research. I believe it is a good organization, but for me I have gotten involved because I think it is important that we involve ourselves into the community, and invest our time into others lives. I must admit it feels good to give back, it feels good to put my heart into something other than my own cares. I did not have some "aha" moment like some people do when then begin supporting an organization, for me it was my need within my Spirit to help show others the importance of volunteering and sacrificing for a need, it feels good to give, because we have been created by the Ultimate Giver, Jesus. He has given us a need as humans to use our life as a living sacrifice, and sometimes that means just doing small acts of love of someone. Our Team is very small, and the money we collect is so itsy compared to some of the monies that are raised. For myself, the reward is seeing the girls come together each year and give alittle more of themselves. I Praise God, for this blessing, so today as I go and donate my time, I pray that the worries of my heart will disappear with each "Courage Cap" that is donated towards the fight for cancer.

my heart today,

tamara

Behind My Chair

2010-04-14T07:07:00.000-07:00

I love my job, the work is hard at times, being on my feet for many hours of the day, but the people that I have been blessed to have as clients are the refreshment of my soul. There are those clients that God allows to sit in my chair that challenge me beyond what I think I can handle, but I have learned, that they also are part of the fruit that God intended to use for my good and His glory. Yesterday it began quite fast and furious, my first client .......just a haircut, well, she has been coming to me now for the last 81/2 years, she goes to Valley Baptist and her children are missionarys who who have dedicted their life to God's work. She is quiet, yet always on time and quite loyal to my chair. Then there was Pat, who like me has a husband that has suffered with illness the last few years my heart was blessed as we shared our similar struggles, and after her was Roslynn, she has been faithful to my chair for a few years now, without a miss, every six weeks, a level 6 on her roots and away she goes. Then there is Sandra who at first, I couldnt tell if she liked me or not, quiet and subdued, yet I felt a strength from her.....something I wanted to know more about.......she has become a favorite.......her strength comes from losing her husband to a long illness....she is still quiet but her hugs are tight, something I know she looks forward to after each service, and I also have become quite thankful for the closeness we have achieved during the time she has spent sitting in my chair. As the day goes on there are many people that come and go, each one sharing a bit more of their life with me. My last client Bob, well, he is still grieving the loss of his son.....yet he inspires me as he struggles with the death of his son, by depending on God and giving back to the community and the school his son atteneded, awarding scholarships in Patrick's name. So this is my day behind my chair, and I must admit I am very blessed to have a job where I can go and come home inspired. I am amazed at the way God uses my job to bring newness to my life and peace to my heart. He gives through the people that sit in my chair, my hands working mightly to give each one beauty on the outside, yet God uses their beauty on the inside to touch my heart.

my heart today
tamara

Listening to His Voice

2010-04-12T10:27:00.000-07:00

What does God's voice sound like to you, now you know I don't mean audible voice, I mean the voice of the Spirit. The quiet thought that whispers to you moment by moment throughout your day......The voice of the Spirit of Christ is usually a small whisper......and if you know Christ as your Savior, and you are seeking to have a meaningful relationship with Him then I know you have experienced the Spirits call. Yesterday at church I knew from the beginning I would go to the alter and pray, I could of prayed where I was in the pew with my mom, but I knew I was being called to the alter to lay my self before the Lord. It is not always easy to walk the long aisle down to the alter, it is not always easy to lay your heart out before hundreds of people, but I heard the voice of the Spirit calling me to go.......just go! so I went.

1 Kings 19:12

And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice. So it was, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle, (a mantle is a loose sleeveless cloak or cape)and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave.

I began to pray, and as I did the tears poured from my eyes as if God had turned on a water facet. I knew I was there to do business with God, and even though it was not as comfortable as being alone with Him I knew I was there by His doing. I layed my heart at the alter. Ok....so now as I am writing this about my expierence at the alter, I have also been dealing with Insurance, Doctor Referrals, and Authorizations. I hate dealing with Medical stuff, I don't think I have blogged about the latest difficulties that Bobby and I have been going through trying to get him to UCLA. We finally got the approval to go, but the Doctor had declined him, just like that with no explantion......how dare him......how could a Doctor just say no! Well, my friends that is what happened, Dr Eckhardt declined Bobby's case.......you can imagine our frustration and the hoplessness of feeling uncared for. Bobby kept asking me what are we going to do? He is in no shape to fight and I am not a fighter...... but there again the quiet whisper of the Lord kept saying, Don't give up, I am here with you, fight for Bobby, keep fighting. Well, last week I emailed the Doctor at UCLA, and the referral service.....by the way their web page has the most caring messege to patients about how they will be taken care of......so I emailed them and right away on Friday I heard back from the referral service at UCLA, although they couldn't do anything right then they promised to be on it by Monday. Well....the managering nurse from gemcare called and said, my email must of scared their pants off, so to speak, cause they are finding Bobby a Doctor ASAP.....praise the Lord and everything in me that has praise give it to Him.....it is His voice that has pushed me to this place and has caused me to fight. It has been a hard place.....waiting and watching....but God was working behind the scenes for the perfect attack. I Love what God is doing and how He has taught me to wait on Him. I LOVE YOU GOD!!!!! I waited......I listened......I prayed......I cried.......I meditated......I cried.......I listened......I doubted.......I kept reading......I kept listening......I got mad......I prayed again......I waited......I cried.........He moved.......I followed...... He spoke .......I listened......He called.......I prayed.......He said, wait.......I cried.........I kept reading.......He filled me up........I prayed........He answered!!!!!!!

Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength........ and be saved ,Amen and Amen

My heart Today

tamara

Hold Your Fort

2010-04-11T05:48:00.000-07:00

This is todays devotional from the book "God Calling", I have become very attached to this book, it is what I read along with Gods word each day......REMEMBER that My followers are to be peculiar people, separated from among others. Different ways, a different standard of living different customs, actuated by different motives. Pray for Love. Pray for My Spirit of Love to be showered on all you meet. Deal with yourself severely. Learn to love discipline.

Never yield one point that you have already won. Discipline, discipline. Love it and rejoice------rejoice. Mountain can be removed by thought -------by desire.

Dearest Father

Thank You for this thought today, reminding me that only I am responsible for my obedience not the obedience of others. Where You have called me, the peculiar place so to speak, is where I find peace. But for my friends that are walking their walk with You, may I just love them with Your Spirit of Love. May I deal severely with myself, because when I do that is where You are and my peace is overwhelming. Not that am proud of the accomplishment, NEVER! but I am humbled in my place, I rejoice in the fact that You called me and I was able to listen with a obedient heart. I have peace today because I pleased You, not because I did something spectacular but because You my Lord did Your amazing work in me and kept me peculiar.

In Jesus's Name I pray,

Amen

My heart today

tamara

30 Years

2010-04-02T07:45:00.000-07:00

HAPPY

ANNIVERSERY

TO US!!!

"Our Riverside Refuge"

2010-03-31T08:10:00.000-07:00

Acts 16:40

2010-03-30T07:48:00.000-07:00

So they went out of the prison and entered the house of Lydia; and when they had seen the brethern, they encouraged them and departed.

Bobby and I will go along this walk for so long and then we need some encouragement, we at times start feeling bogged down by the oppression of illness. So where do we want to go? We want to go to Riverside and see our brethern. Yes! they are our children, but they also are partners along side of us, they always encourage us with godly joy. Without a word we feel the communion of each others spirits as we laugh and just enjoy the friendship that the four of us have been blessed to have. When Paul was released from prison, he went straight to Lydia's house, he was confident that he would get the fellowship and encouragment that he needed to be steadfast on his journey to preach the gospel of Christ. I am so thankful for Emily and David, Bobby and I always leave from a visit with them feeling refreshed and uplifted. We always laugh alot and we know that our bond is of Christ. I wonder how people feel when they leave from a visit with me? I pray that when a brethern who needs encouragement comes to my home, that when they depart they are ready for the journey ahead. Im sure Paul didn't need a message, He needed the joyful fellowship, He needed a good laugh with good conversation, and Im sure good food! He needed inspiration to keep doing what he was doing, persevering for the sake of the gospel.

My heart today,

tamara

2010-03-27T07:52:00.000-07:00

Gods timing is His divine will

God is intimately involved in my life,

He perfectly and completely does what He pleases,

Today, is His, though I am tired, and helpless in my efforts,

I pray for Him to give me peace and joy

that I might forget my struggles

and be His.

I wake up with a heavy heart, but I find peace in His word,

and joy in His wisdom. I can face the day knowing He is

my God worthy to be praised!

But He is unique, and who can make Him change? and whatever His soul desires that He does.
For He performs what is appointed for me,
And many things are with Him.

Therefore I am terrified of His presence; Job 23:8

When I consider this I am afraid of Him.
For God made my heart weak,
And the Almighty terrifies me;
Because I was not cut off from the presence of darkness,
And He did not hide deep darkness from my face.

I know Him, I love Him, I trust Him.

2010-03-26T08:24:00.000-07:00

Today is Friday, I am looking forward to the weekened, Bobby and I are going to try and go to a Sunday Bible study class. We have been watching on the internet for awhile, it is hard for Bobby to sit for long periods of time, especially in chairs that he is not use to. But God has been working on our hearts to try and get more involved in the body of Christ. So this Sunday will be our first attempt in years to get involved as a couple at church. I am really excited and hoping God will bring some friendships our way, Bobby has never really had the need for friends, while I on the other hand love to socialize. So..... I am excited to see what God brings about as we seek to obey His call, we will see what happens!.......Bobby probably won't be able to go to church too, but I told him we could go to class one week then church the next. God knows how to work things out, we just have to put ourselves out there and be available for the opportunities He has for us. So please pray for us that we find a class that is comfortable and the teaching will interest and help us grow in the grace of Christ. Love to all and have a blessed weekened.

My heart today,
tamara

Promises, Precious Promises!

2010-03-25T08:45:00.000-07:00

2 Peter 1:3

I can pray this because His divine power has bestowed on us everything necessary for life and godliness through the rich knowledge of the One who called us by his own glory and excellence. Through these things he has bestowed on us His precious and most magnificent promises,

~Prayer~

Dearest Father,

Help me to find peace in every promise I find in Your word, let them be the Hope I search for today in Your word. Let each one find a place in my heart, so I can be used by Your Son and reach out to the world, influenceing people for the Kingdom to come.

Your promise is for me to have power to in the life You have called me to live, not that I live for the things of this world but for the life in eternity. It is by the power of the Holy Spirit that I can walk in peace and have faith to trust that He is working all things together for good, and that Bobby's diagnosis is not the answer for us, but how he chooses to use us in the walk towards the diagnosis. The people we talk to, the Doctors we meet, the way we respond while on this journey, that is the what God expects from us, to be a light in a dark world.

John 8:12

Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, " I am the light of the world. he who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.

Now that is a precious promise, I have the power to shine for Jesus, and that is a promise I want to trust in, not what the doctors have to say, but what God has to do.

~Prayer~

Thank You Lord, for Your word to me today, I pray that You use my heart, to reach a heart in need. I trust You, I believe in You, and I praise You for today and what You are going to do tomorrow.

Amen

my heart today,

tamara

Mondays & Wednesdays

2010-03-24T10:08:00.000-07:00

Mondays and Wednesdays are my days to run with my friend Diane, Well! that is my schedule as of latley, the last two weeks to be exact! lol. I have just started to put running back into my must do's, two days a week, I'm thinking I will add one more day then I am good to go. I have decided, during my thoughtful moments while running, that I don't think I will ever be able to accomplish a Marathon, I have decided to take that one off of my bucket list. But just in case I get a wild streak of energy I think I will create two lists, a list that I know I can and will do, then a second list that I want to do but dont know if I can, so I will call it my "maybe bucket list" I will keep it, for just in case? Today our run was good we talked about Bobby and we talked about God, and we talked about the cramp Diane got in the fourth mile or so. I told her that's what happens, we get old and everything starts getting stiff and crampy. We walked awhile, and soon she felt better and on we went. Diane is a fast runner, the only time she is slow is when she is running with me, I have slowed way down in my later years of running, and the sad part is I wasn't that fast to begin with. But we don't run for fast times or to compete we run cause we love the time running gives us to fellowship and share. At times I worry she might get tired of me, cause I share alot, but she never has and she never will she has proven her friendship is here to stay, and so are our Mondays and Wednesdays!

My heart today!
tamara

2010-03-23T08:00:00.000-07:00

Isaiah 6:3

"Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts;

The whole earth is full of His glory!"

As I was working on the T-shirts for the Karen Watson Memorial Run, I got a call from Bobby saying he did not get approved to go to UCLA. Wouldn't it be just like satan to want to distract me from doing something fun for the Lord with discouraging news. I could tell Bobby was really upset, but as for me, God kept reminding me of our prayers that had been fervently lifted before Him. At that moment I felt in my heart it was more important for us to have faith than to worry about not getting approved, if I was truly going to trust God in this place then I must remain focused on Him and His promise, and not our agenda to go to UCLA. In the past my response would of been to get frustrated, but God immediatly took my thoughts back to my initial prayer in the beginning of this illness, and He reminded me of the scripture that He had given me:

Psalms 32:8

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;

I will guide you with My eye.

When a follower is devoted to scripture, God will use it to remind us of His will, and He will assure us of His presence in the midst of trouble. So this weekened I was prayerfully thinking everything through in regards to why God choose to not allow the approval to UCLA. Why couldn't He of just popped in and influenced the Insurance towards doing what was better for us. Well, I believe God dosn't always intervene into humanities, meaning He dosn't always just make everything go smooth as we pray for His will, there are so many other people involved in the processes of our lives, God allows them and the cares of their life to get intertwined into our agenda. I believe God uses the process and we have to accept every bump as part of His plan for our journey. It is in the process.....that we remain dependant on God by seeking Him daily in His word and by prayer. It is in the process that we find confidence in our devotion to Christ, and make that more important than the actual outcome. How we respond to unsmoothness, how we react when things get all tangled up, that is the test...... God wants us to have a constant hunger for Him, He wants us to recognize His holiness and His rightousness, so by allowing our difficulties to get bombarded with ups, downs, and turn arounds, He is using those times to keep us focused on Him and it is He who will stay focused on on the path He has chosen for us.

Isaiah 26:7-9

The way of the just is uprightness; O Most Upright,

You weigh the path of the just, Yes in the way of Your judgments,

Oh Lord, we have waited for You,

The desire of our soul is for Your name,

And for the rememberance of You;

With my soul I have desired You in the night,

Yes, by my spirit within me I will seek You early;

For when Your judgments are in the earth,

The inhabitants of the world will learn rightousness.

Remember our journey here is not about us, we were created for His glory and He is working in us an eternal purpose. So when the process gets tangled and your path takes a detour it may be that God has someone placed there in what seems to be the wrong road, who needs to be shown Christ and His love, so keep walking, keep praying and God will work out the plan.

Prayer

Lord, thank You today for your word, and the promise you have used to keep me firm on the path of Your will. I know that we are right where we are suppose to be, and all the bumps and roadblocks are for us, so we can stay focused on You and not our agenda. Lord You have already taken care of our life, it is done and it turns out marvelous, we just have to keep walking, and keep praying and keep devoting ourselves to Your word. Isaiah 26:3

So today keep us in perfect peace and keep our mind stayed on You, so we can trust in You forever.

Amen

My heart today

tamara

On My Way

2010-03-19T07:17:00.000-07:00

It is funny how when I am at work, the lives that interconnect with mine, one life comes in we share and talk and laugh, then that life is gone for another 5 weeks or so. There are many different episodes of living , many different scenes that play out during those 5 weeks. New plots are being written and some are tragic and some quite humorus. I love being a Hair Stylist, at one time I thought I should of been something different but that something never felt as comfortable as standing behind my chair and making someone feel beautiful for a day. Today, I have been called to help fix a haircut gone bad!!! Yes, Tamara to the rescue, it is times like this that I know I am needed and doing my part in society. Fixing a "Bad Hair Day", how bad could it be and what kind of challenge am I up for today? Well, whatever mess it is, I have confidence I can do it. I can't say that all my days are filled with such anticipation and excitement, somedays I just roll them in am comb them out, but then there are days that I feel the pressure of unfullfilled expectations, and those are the days I have learned to let be washed away so to speak. Some people can never be pleased, but today I am on my way to a fixer upper and I am excited!!!!!!!! Oh, but thats not all, after that I have a guy with a permed mullet, NOW! that is a good day!

My heart today!
tamara

My Day at the Salon

2010-03-18T07:45:00.000-07:00

There were two clients yesterday, one was my own and the other was Patti's client.....Patti works next to me, well......my client is Jewish, yet she asked me about Easter....Patti's client is Jehovah witness and I overheard her ask about Easter also. Ok.... so I found it very interesting that one being a Jew and the other being a Jehovah witness brought Easter it into their conversation with us .......my Jewish client whom I love dearly and is suffering extreme loss and grief.... her son passed away from liver failure just recently and her daughter was killed many years ago. Why some expierence so much and others so little only our Father knows.......but back to the part that caught my attention....my client who is Jewish , who is most amazing. I believe God sent her to my chair so He could testify through , the Holy Spirit the love of Christ and help her to know His eternal Hope. Ok, now Patti's client..........well! she is so annoying....she is Jehovah Wittness and personally I find her arrogant and intrusive she speaks untruth loudly, and.....well, she is just so prideful about it. She spits out untruth in a way that really offends my Spirit, I really have to pray when she is visiting Patti, cause I want to spit back at her, but I really don't think that is what God wants from me is a fight......He wants me to love Pattis's Jehovah Wittness just as I love my Jew. Untruth is untruth, they both deny the Messiah, the amazing part of this story is they both wanted to her about Easter, the same day at the the same time. I didn't say alot I just answered her question and as for Pattie's client , rather than saying Ester she said, " Isn't this the memorial or something of your faith? " Anyway, I guess the whole point is, that everyone has in their heart a place for our God, Jesus Christ. Our God is so big, He is bigger than any other religion, He is greater than our minds can comprehend, and has so much power to remind those who think they don't believe, to acknowledge Jesus's resurrection at the same time and the same place. I had the priviledge expierence the power behind His sovereignty and even though they speak untruth God hears them and He is the one in control of even the heart of them.

1John 5:10

He who believes in the Son of God has the witness in himself; he who does not believe God has made Him a liar, because he has not believed the testimony; that God has given of His Son. And this is the testimony: that God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son.

~Prayer~

Thank You Father, for giving me Your son that I have the privilege of being a witness of Him.That I don't have to say a word, and He makes Himself known by the power of His Spirit.

~Scripture~

1John 5:8

And there are three that bear witness on earth: the Spirit, the water and the blood; and these three agree as one.

~Prayer~

Thank You Father for allowing me to see You work each day as I stand behind my chair and give to those who sit in it. I love anticipating each divine appointment and ministering to each ones needs. Help me though Father to be sensitive to everyone and loving to each person regardless of their belief. Because as You so patiently show me each day, Your touch on them has nothing to do with me. It is always all about You and the grace that You supply. And it is always You who is the very essence of Love in me. Open my eyes to see as You see and love others through me. It is my prayer that this Easter Your son and His blood through the Spirit will be poured out on the earth.

In Jesus Christ name I Pray,

Amen.

2010-03-16T07:13:00.000-07:00

~Prayer~

Dearest Father,

I come before You feeling empty, and so far from Your presence, although I know that these feelings are at times, part of the journey as I walk to You. I know I won't always be able to feel the commitment I have made to You, because I am human and frail in my ways, and distractions come in the so many forms. What I do know though, My Lord, is that I can't stand to be far from You for one minute and I must search my heart to find the obstacle in my path that has put You so far ahead of me. Please forgive my restless Spirit and know that I am waiting on You my Lord. Thank You for Dr. Kitt who gave my husband dignity and respect, by acknowledging him with compassion, her understanding his need for further evaluation. Thank You Father for the many people who are praying for Bobby and lifting him and I up before the Throne of grace. I praise You my God that every step along this path has left evidence of Your presence Lord, that only You could be a part of.

Philippians 3:10

that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death,

I want to know You Lord, more and more each day! Help me Lord to be obedient to all You have called me to be.

Amen